Stay with me, just awhile...

2007-08-30T21:58:00.000+08:00

今早起床，看到餐桌上摆着一盒月饼。忽然想起五年前的笑话。

走出了这一场迷雾阳光还有温度每一场离别
当时都仓促是距离让人领悟
...
回首这风雨微笑竟然是我最常想起的表情

2007-08-28T02:44:00.000+08:00

男子汉大丈夫, 跌倒了再爬起来. 没什么大不了.

2007-06-14T01:44:00.000+08:00

Tonight, she told me what I dreaded to hear.

I dont think I have what it takes to continue blogging here. The muse is gone, the feelings have erupted. Somehow, I'm totally empty. Void.

I'm a fucking wreck.

Thank you everyone who reads this blog, for reading this at all. I know at times it's been silly, at times its been sleep-inducing, at times cryptic and others, just plain boring. Thank you.

Thank you to my friends who love me. Chui, Shir, Yj, Penn, LY, King C, D, Ry, WK; friends whom I've gotten to know through this blog like M, Celly, Dida; juniors all, and any others I missed. For what pittance it is worth, I love you guys too.

I will leave now. I know not where. From Friday I will be in China, physically at least. I may not return. I have the plane tickets, but not the courage.

Goodbye, Adieu, Au revoir.

And thats all, folks.

----------------------------------------------
To you: You will not read this because you have no habit of reading my blog, but I really need to tell you... I really love you. Whether you believe it or not. As much as a man can possibly love a woman. Truly.

I wish you well... always; forever.

Goodbye.

Of all the loserly thoughts in the world

2007-06-12T00:54:00.000+08:00

因为我知道这样子，你会不开心。

THE best explanation of Stare Decisis... ever

2007-06-08T04:02:00.000+08:00

For the non-lawyers, "Stare Decisis" basically refers to the legal principle that a court of lower competence has to follow decisions on the law pronounced by courts of higher competence. This keeps things in order. So thats my explanation of the concept. Look how this Canadian judge explains it!

--------------------------------------------------------------
"Any legal system which has a judicial appeals process inherently creates a pecking order for the judiciary regarding where judicial decisions stand on the legal ladder. I am bound by decisions of Queen's Bench judges, by decisions of the Alberta Court of Appeal and by decisions of the Supreme Court of Canada. Very simply, Masters in Chambers of a superior trial court occupy the bottom rung of the superior courts' judicial ladder. I do not overrule decisions of a judge of this Court. The judicial pecking order does not permit little peckers to overrule big peckers. It is the other way around."

South Side Woodwork (1979) Ltd. v RC Contracting Ltd., [1989] A.J. No.
111, 95 A.R. 161 at 166–67, para. 51–53 (Alta. Q.B., Master)
----------------------------------------------------------------

The citation is included here for any brave soul who wishes to adduce this point in submissions. :)

Dare of the day: Tell a judge, "Your Honour, you are a small pecker"
----------------------------------------------------------------

- courtesy of Yj

2007-06-06T03:49:00.000+08:00

Some times, all I want to do is... to sleep, perchance to dream - ay, there's the rub. For in that sleep... what dreams may come.

Somewhere out there

2007-05-31T22:23:00.000+08:00

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May has come and gone.

A few days ago I was thinking to myself how this year was much like last year, just in reverse. Last year I was away and alone. This year, it is everyone else who has gone off and away.

This is one of those evenings that has a person thinking about times past. A warm day, spent exactly the way most days were spent back in uni or even before. Dinner with the family, then relaxing in front of the tv watching an old rerun. And the gentle night wind that occasionally breezes in the open windows brings with it the fragrance of frangipanis. A smell that brings back memories of days gone by.

Life can be this simple, and be good. Or perhaps, it might be better to say that life is good because it is simple.

Where has time gone? Where have the days gone?

Where have you gone?

Some things change. Some things don't.
------------------------------------------

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby,
it helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky...

cherries and knots

2007-05-31T18:32:00.000+08:00

I was at this lovely jazz bar last night with some friends enjoying the music, which was really good (those interested in knowing where it is, pls email me). The bunch of us consisted of two law students from the UK, a lawyer from Indonesia, a lawyer from Spore and another Sporean law student who just graduated... there we were listening to the music, chatting and joking and having round after round of cocktails... it struck me at one point how very Ally Mcbeal-ish the scene was. :)

Anyway, at one point the talk turned to how genetics determine a lot of things, like tolerance for alcohol etc etc. And then one of my friends took a cherry from her cocktail, popped in into her mouth and ate the cherry, then proceeded to tie a knot in the cherry stalk using just her tongue and teeth... just to demonstrate the point that the flexibility of your tongue is determined by genetics. That of course triggered a round of attempts by everyone else at the same.

My Indonesian friend (who had a thing for cocktail cherries) just couldnt do it, try as he might. He disgustedly took the cherry stalk out of his mouth and threw it on the table and gave it a look of disdain... a moment later, a mischievous twinkle came into his eye and he said... "I just take the cherry, I dont tie the knot."

:)

Shape up or ship out

2007-05-27T00:47:00.000+08:00

My friends and frequent readers of this blog will know that I'm proud of the fact that I'm a commando. I've never felt it was wrong to be proud of something you've worked hard for (much like I'm proud to be a lawyer). There are people who will ridicule you for what you are... people who will say how stupid you are for having to "suffer" two and a half years whereas they chose to be clerks (by faking injuries etc) and spent their time in comfort. *shrug* To each his own. I just feel that there is more to be proud of that I'm generally more well-trained, faster, tougher and stronger (ok, admittedly these things are in the past). Rather than having wasted the years in the army, I made maximum use of the time to learn what I can, develop life skills, experience a wide variety of things I would never have had a chance to otherwise.

Simply put, life is a measure of time... how much of it you get. Time = Life. A waste of time is a waste of life.

Anyway, another thing I like about being a commando is the ethos of the corp. There is this whole brotherhood thing going on... it is the bond from commonality of experience, from knowing that the man you are addressing has experienced the same kind of sh*t, gone through the same kind of pressure/stress/training, from sharing a common language that stretches beyond technical terms to common expressions of disgust or even similar swear words. So when you know that such and such other person is a commando, you know that you can trust and depend on that person to at least a certain extent, that at a certain level you are both the same, even if that other person is a complete stranger.

Yesterday I received a letter; "On Government Service" it was marked. I opened it and, not surprisingly, it was a letter from the Army. The Commanding Commando Officer for all NS commandos (reservist commandos) had decided to write us a letter! haha... this is really what this post is about, the letter. It was pretty amusing. :)

The letter opened with "Fellow Commando," and immediately there was the feeling of the old familiarity again... even though I'm dead sure he doesnt know who I am. The first paragraph then went on to update us about how there have been certain changes in command with people being appointed to certain posts. Then it mentioned that this officer has vacated a post and moved on to other things. Then the line, "I believe most of you will remember him for his 1000 sit-ups sessions". hahaha... I just had to laugh when I read that. I dont actually remember this officer and have not been subject to his 1000 sit-ups PT sessions, but I've done a few hundred at once and I know what its like (the only thing I've done more than 1000 of at once is jumping jacks. Its so painful u just have to laugh.) haha... It just reminded me of the insane dedication we had to bettering ourselves physically. We used to have people who would book in early on sunday nights so they could run... or forego lunch everyday so they could do 16km runs. Voluntarily.

Anyway, the letter went on to talk about other things, and then this paragraph "Moving to ground issues, I will confess I am a stickler for training standards, and I am sure many of you are too, and will agree that Commandos have to maintain the highest training standards -- otherwise we are just wasting our time." The paragraph then talked about how some commandos have not been performing up to standards recently and had to attend corrective training.

Reading that, I was first stunned, and then totally amused... cause I realised something: Our commanding officer had just reached through time and space and kicked our collective asses (all few thousand of us). hahaha... through snail mail no less!

That said, the message is quite clear... time to start shaping up! :)

The Build-up -- Kings of Convenience

2007-05-25T18:38:00.000+08:00

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Irked

2007-05-20T21:57:00.000+08:00

I really dont like it when people state their interpretation of the situation, and then throw in a "you are a lawyer and therefore you can talk/defend/argue damn well" before asking for my response. Please dont do that kinda nonsense with me. It is patently obvious that they are trying to stack the odds against me. If they are given an answer that is anything other than what they want/ expect, they will put it down to the "fact" that I am "lawyer-ing" them. That I am twisting the facts. Or squirming around. Getting out of the question or misinterpreting this or that. Or something. Anything. Everything except tell them that they are correct... which is of course the only acceptable version of things.

Don't make it seem like its my "fault" that I'm a lawyer. Dont make it seem like being a lawyer is something wrong, cause guess what, it isnt.

I'm sorry there is some angst in this post, but someone has just insulted my intelligence. I'm not the brightest bulb in the room, but I'm darned sure I ain't the dimmest either. So don't try all these nonsense with me. Don't try to slip a fast one past me. Don't, cause its not getting past me. Really.

And try to live your life a little more honestly.

I'm blind

2007-05-19T00:24:00.000+08:00

While out with Y earlier, I saw this lady in her gym clothes leaving Raffles Place. I've always thought it takes some courage to wear gym/running attire out in the public like that. After all, people are always critical, even when they are far from perfect themselves (I'm talking about myself. Read on to find out). Consequently, I've never tried wearing my gym/running attire on the trains. The furthest I've gone to is to change into my running attire in the office and then join a few colleagues for a run to the Marina Bay area. There is some exposure (no pun intended) to the crowds at Raffles Place for a few minutes, but that soon gets left behind with a few good minutes of pounding the pavement.

Actually it was not all THAT surprising to see that lady. After all, some ladies do find it bothersome to change back into their work clothes or other attire after going to the gym or whatever yoga class they subscribe too. They are on their way home and there really is no point showering, and then getting dirty/dusty and showering again upon reaching home. Perfectly understandable.

The thing is, this lady was... ermm.... prosperous. Not that there's a problem with that, but she had some words printed on her (rather too tight) yoga pants that just... well... its like that band name, just the opposite... it was a "convex scream". haha... Look, the pants were black right? And the words were yellow. As loud as it gets. And the words printed on her (overdeveloped) posterior?

"BABYPHAT"

I got blinded in that instant.

One

2007-05-16T00:21:00.000+08:00

STC, STD.

盛夏的果实 -- 莫文蔚

2007-05-11T20:12:00.001+08:00

也许放弃才能靠近你　
不再见你你才会把我记起　
时间累积这盛夏的果实　
回忆里寂寞的香气　
我要试着离开你不要再想你　
虽然这并不是我本意

你曾说过会永远爱我　
也许承诺不过因为没把握　
别用沉默再去掩饰甚么　
当结果是那么赤裸裸　
以为你会说甚么才会离开我
你只是转过头不看我

不要刻意说你还爱我　
当看尽潮起潮落，只要你记得我

你曾说过会永远爱我　
也许承诺不过证明没把握　
不用难过不用掩饰甚么　
当结果是那么赤裸裸　
其实不必说什么才能离开我　
起码那些经过属於我

也许放弃才能靠近你　
不再见你你才会把我记起　
时间累积这剩下的果实　
回忆里爱情的香气
我以为不露痕迹思念却满溢　
或许这代表了我的心

不要刻意说你还爱我　
当看尽潮起潮落，只要你记得我
如果你会梦见我，请你再抱紧我
--------------------------------

转眼，快一年了。真的好想你。

how long

2007-05-11T01:58:00.000+08:00

I just realised with a mixture of sick fascination and numb horror (equal measures, shake and strain over ice) that when I get off work past 1am, it means that I get off later than the normal people in London (it would be 6pm over there). Yep, normal people in London would already be on their way home... people in London, and everywhere else between here and London.

Wow.

Summer is here

2007-05-06T18:39:00.000+08:00

This is the kind of evening I love... where the clouds are little puffy blots scattered across the whole of the sky... gently infused with the last light of the day so they are oh-so-white at their edges, but foretell the coming of the night with their gray under-bellies. And other clouds like lazy brushes of a carefree painter, afterthoughts streaking the rest of the sky; artistic studies of different moods of blue-grey. And then the last vestiges of the hot summer day peeks out from between gaps in the clouds in their own signature sky-blue. We're gone for the day, they say, but more to come soon, they promise.

Summer is here.

the sound of silence

2007-05-06T02:21:00.001+08:00

I've just had one of the weirdest taxi rides in my life. (on a unrelated side note, because this just hit me, I realise that this is not the first time i'm blogging about taxi rides. This is how sad and uneventful my life has become. haha...). Anyway I just got home from work and being this late at night, the only form of public transport available was a taxi.

The taxi driver was this old chinese man. Like... old. Grandfather type of old. Definitely at least 70 years old. But his driving was fine (an exception to what I said previously). I got on, told him where I stayed and the ride proceeded. After awhile, I started feeling something was wrong... and I pondered about that for a little while, until I realised that what was "wrong" was actually the lack of sound.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not the type of person who needs every moment to be noisy. Yes I do prefer people to talk with me, or some background white noise etc. But I can understand and appreciate the need for silence sometimes. I was in reconnaissance back in the army and, well, our lives pretty much depended on keeping silent. (try panting silently after running in full gear, its an experience. haha...). So yes, I can keep silent, I can wait out another person who is trying to freak me out using silence. But this uncle quite takes the cake.

You see, there was just no sound in the taxi. Just the sound of the engine, and the sound of traffic passing by. He didnt want to chat with me... not weird, perfectly understandable. Some taxi uncles dont want to chat. He didn't listen to music... which is odd because most taxi uncles would, especially if they were not the chatty type... heck, he didn't even have a radio in the car! He didn't say a single word to me the entire journey. No he's not mute, because I spied a handphone earpiece dangling from his dashboard.

I mean, not saying anything at all! That's kinda a feat. I told him where I was going, he didn't acknowledge with an "ok" or anything, just drove. All the way to my place, I gave him more detailed instructions, told him to "turn left in here to the condo, let me alight ahead" etc. He didn't tell me how much to pay, left me to read the meter myself. Didn't say anything to my request for a receipt, just handed it to me; didn't respond to my thanks, basically didnt say ANYTHING at all.

Ok fine, he cleared his throat once during the journey.

Damn weird. hahaha...

Funny/ heartwarming moment of the day

2007-05-01T22:58:00.000+08:00

I had dinner at my aunt's place earlier. Thereafter I was playing with my cousin's two young daughters, the older one being just short of 2 and a half years old. After awhile, it was getting late and my niece had to have her cup of "before bed" milk. So there she was sitting on a stool next to me as I watched tv. She's a regular tv addict, once she starts watching tv, her eyes are always riveted to the screen. I don't think she really understands exactly what is going on, but she definitely can feel the emotions being protrayed.

The film we were watching had a sad ending and apparently my niece felt it too. Cause she suddenly put down her cup of milk, turned to me and gave me a hug and patted me on my back!! hahaha... and then she pouted her lips and tried to kiss me (while her mouth was still semi full of milk) and she mumbled "I love you". hahaha...

----------------------
I don't understand why some people dont love kids.

2007-05-01T01:23:00.000+08:00

"Men are like public toilets. They are either engaged, or full of shit"

-- Courtesy of Marcelly

-------------------------

me: *rolls eyes*. kanasai...

of paint and welts, pellets and bullets

2007-04-30T00:32:00.000+08:00

The reason I was carrying a gym bag to work last friday (read the previous post) was because my team at work had challenged another team on the same floor to a paintball shootout. (yes we do actually do fun things on occasion, for those of you law juniors who are reading this blog and thinking that all we do is work. No, i'm not promoting/advertising my firm.) We really had fun. haha... you won't believe how therapeutic it is to shoot at colleagues, friends and bosses. :)

Sad to say though, I didn't manage to nail any bosses from the other team. I just managed to get the associates (my friends) quite a few times because I happened to be in a good place at a good time. Good angle... they simply didnt see it coming. The game play was rather simple actually... each team is allocated one half of the battlefield, there's a 4m wide no man's land in the middle that no one is allowed to cross (for good reason; more later). Each team has to shoot down two metal targets on the opposite side of the field. Only after that's done, they are allowed to approach the edge of the no man's land on their side to pick up an empty ammo box and run with that back to their base. Once they reach their home base with the ammo box, they win that round. Any time they are shot, they have to go back to a "hospital" to get revived. If they are shot while carrying the box, they have to drop it.

Anyway the hardest bit of the game is to get the box of course, because u have to go really close to the other side and everyone sees you and everyone is firing at you. You dont get hit by just one shot then, you get hit usually by at least 3 to 5 shots. And guess what, those paint pellets really hurt. I was wearing camouflage pants and I have these horrendous purple and yellow welts on my inner thighs. One thing the game really brought home to me was how this was really similar to real war. It may sound like I'm over-stating the case, but seriously once you have a paint pellet smash into you, you start taking cover with a lot more enthusiasm when the next few whinge their way past your head. You really start to see the characters of people... who are the ones willing to run out and risk getting shot even if its not their assigned role? That really takes courage man.

Total number of times I got shot during the two hours we played? I think I was shot once in the face, once in the mouth (both times my face mask saved me), once on my right wrist, twice on my inner thighs (@%^#%^&). If this were a real war, I'd be headless, legless and short of a hand. Fastest way to lose weight, but not a pretty sight at all. The actual pain and the sight of the welts just drove the point home more. After the game, I started doubting my own courage... would I really run out into a hail of bullets (literally) and risk getting shot to bits?

To be fair, I think if it were a real war and a real firefight, things would have gone better of course because I'd have been with my army mates and we're trained to fight as a team, we have our tricks etc etc. In any case, for our type of ops, you never see us coming. So survivability would be higher. And if it really came down to it, we're all willing to take shots for each other (this i'm sure). For each other though, not because some politician back home decided to quibble over some matter with another politician elsewhere (yes, very Black Hawk Down i know, but true nonetheless). So that was the conclusion I came to. I was willing to die, but not so much for my country as for my friends and my loved ones. Selfish/selective courage?

I dont know whether to be proud or ashamed of myself.

-----------------------
As a side point, in my opinion, this game should be required as part of the army training syllabus.

of terrorists and trains, gym bags and aunties

2007-04-28T02:24:00.000+08:00

This morning, I brought my gym bag to work because i needed to bring a change of clothes and shoes. Its a nice standard Fila gym bag, nothing special. Rectangular, two feet long and black... just your normal gym bag so to speak. And it was. Or so I thought. Until the stupid advertisements on how terrorists are going to bomb our trains kept playing on the station screens.

So there I was minding my own business and suddenly I felt lots of stares from aunties here and there. Feeling uncomfortable, I shifted my feet and looked around, which of course fit me straight into the "Is he holding a heavy bag and acting suspiciously" (cue actor on screen looking around furtively and flashback to a puzzled me looking around -- whoops! damning parallel!) I got on the train, but it being a NE line train, the same stupid advert was playing over and over on the trains.

I had to put the bag down because, well... it was heavy. And I didnt want anyone to trip over it, so i shifted it slightly towards the side of the train with my foot. Which of course drew another silly parallel to the guy on the screen -- "Is he leaving the bag on the floor or tucking it away?" Gah!! So i started looking at the train system map to see how long more I have to suffer the stares of all these aunties and uncles who had nothing better to do -- "Is he looking around, perhaps for a particular station to alight at?"

I just gave up. just go ahead and stare at me. haha... but seriously, do I look like a terrorist!?!? darn. (for those who are wondering, i was clean shaven and in a pressed white shirt with brown pants. Hardly terrorist dressing even if they choose to try to meld into the crowd)

I honestly think that the first time the adverts came out, people were interested in it and became aware of such a threat. The ad, however, has been around for too long and has lost its initial shock/awe/ attention-grabbing effect. (And it doesn't help that the advert features an auntie [speaking singlish no less] who plays heroine. Makes all the aunties around think they could be like THE auntie in the ad. I was suprised that none of them called the police/ station security down on me). Just imagine, the average commuter has to see it at least twice while waiting for his train, twice while waiting for a change of trains, at least 5 times while on the train itself (if u take the NE line) and then repeat the whole thing again when you make your way home. Talk about over-saturation. Talk about getting desensitised to something.

Come on... kill, but don't overkill.

Saudade

2007-04-25T00:20:00.000+08:00

And that is the word I've been looking for, to say.

where to?

2007-04-22T23:54:00.000+08:00

Dreams of Tibet are slowly disappearing into the clouds. The price quotes I am getting are ridiculous... and unfortunately travel restrictions within the country means that I can't really go traipse around on my own as I would like to. sigh...

Anyone has recommendations on places to go to? I have about 15 to 20 days (if all goes well) and am willing to spend up to $2.5k. Suggestions please!

Healthcare (or lack thereof)

2007-04-18T01:40:00.000+08:00

So I was starting to read up a little on Tibet in the hopes that I can travel there this summer, and this site (apparently run by some Chinese [government?] agency) had this to say about availability of health care...

"Major towns in Tibet have hospitals with basic facilities. Western pharmaceutical treatment, Tibetan herbal remedies and Chinese herbal remedies are also accessible. The medical and sanitary conditions of most hospitals are not as satisfactory as those in developed areas. However, in an emergency, they can still give basic medical treatments and be of great value in saving a life when necessary."

So, major towns only have basic facilities. These, however, have unsatisfactory sanitary conditions. Nonetheless, there's a chance they can value-add to your chances of survival "when necessary". Now with an introduction like that, who wouldnt want to get off their seats and run to Tibet right away!? hahaha...

It kind of reminds me of this ad that was supposedly put up by Artic explorer Ernest Shackleton in the London papers in the 1800s...

"MEN WANTED FOR HAZARDOUS JOURNEY. SMALL WAGES, BITTER COLD, LONG MONTHS OF COMPLETE DARKNESS, CONSTANT DANGER, SAFE RETURN DOUBTFUL. HONOR AND RECOGNITION IN CASE OF SUCCESS."

According to what I read, thousands of men responded to the advertisement. I was just thinking... these must be really depressed people. Hardly travel companions. haha...

As bad as it gets

2007-04-16T01:34:00.000+08:00

If you're not good with bad jokes, don't read this...

----------------------------------------------------
Far away, in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the warm, azure sea. One was named Justin and the other Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by the numerous sharks that patrolled the area.

One day, Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn. I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."

As soon as Justin had fixated on becoming a predator, a mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted!" – and, lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.

Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time went on and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin gradually realized that his new, menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While out swimming alone one day, he saw the mysterious cod again and couldn't believe his luck. Justin figured that if the fish could change him from a prawn to a shark, he could just as readily change him back into a prawn. He begged the cod to return him to his original form and, lo and behold (again), he turned back into a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.

[note: the punch line does *not* involve a prawn cocktail -- that would be trite]

Looking around the boisterous gathering at the reef, Justin searched for his old pal. "Where's Christian?" he asked.

"He's at home, distraught that his best friend went over to the enemy and became a shark," came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's house. As he opened the coral gate, the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend! Come out and see me!"

Christian replied, "No way, man, you'll eat me! You're a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked!"

Justin cried back, "No, no, I'm not! That was the old me -- I've changed...

...I've found cod and I'm a prawn again, Christian!"
--------------------------------------------------

I said it was bad. haha... have a good week ahead guys.

Naivety kills

2007-04-15T12:25:00.000+08:00

I used to think that there was no real distinction between "colleagues" and "friends". Heck, if you are a colleague, then you are a friend. To me, the word "colleague" is just the classification of the work aspect of relationship between two people, and "friend" is the classification for the personal side of things. So you'd introduce person A to others as "my colleague" when the introduction is done in a work/ business setting, but if you are out with person A for something else, you'd introduce him/her as "my friend who works at the same place as me".

But that is being too simple minded and naive about things. Some people are not interested in you as a person. They are not interested in you, at all. They are only interested in what you can do for them, and how quickly and how well you can do it. There's nothing wrong with that of course... surely you cannot expect everyone to take an interest in you. You want to keep the relationship purely to work, fine! But please be professional about it.

See thats what gets to me. The people who use work to make life harder for you. I'm not saying you have to be my friend, but really if you are using work to make life difficult for me because you dont like me on a personal basis... hey, thats damn unprofessional. I can understand how petty things can get. You dislike me because your friend dislikes me. Hey, thats childish and it shows that you dont have your own mind, but you really cannot expect more from some people. Of course, I am aware that the other reason for disliking me is that I'm good friends with someone you dont like... someone you're jealous of. I don't agree with these "reasons", but I can live with you disliking me personally.

But to turn that dislike into trying to screw me over at work? Is that funny? At all? Especially when your dislike for me is not because of a conflict between us, but vicariously because other things? Thats not just unprofessional, but also childish and silly! (and totally unnecessary). I will take what you dish out for the time being, but if push comes to shove... I'm no pushover. Push me too far, and I will shove back. Anyone who knows anything about me at all would know that.

But you wouldn't know me now, would you? After all, you choose to only be my colleague and not my friend.

Kissing a fool -- George Michael

2007-04-12T00:09:00.000+08:00

"People... you can never change the way they feel,
Better let them do just what they will...
For they will, if you let them,
steal your heart from you.
People, will always make a lover feel a fool,
but you knew I loved you,
We could have shown them all,
we should have seen love through..."

Everything is in black and white.

Free will , encapsulated in two sentences

2007-04-11T01:32:00.000+08:00

"Of all our abilities, it is free will that truly makes us unique.

With it, we have a tiny, but potent chance to deny fate.
And only with it can we find our way back to being human."

-- 'Heroes' Season 1, Episode 10

Conversation with me and myself

2007-04-08T22:55:00.000+08:00

Me: So what I was saying is, I feel like I can really relate to what she was saying in that film* you know? That I must be weird or something... she said:

"I mean, I always feel like a freak because I'm never able to move on like ...this! You know.
People just have an affair, or even entire relationships... and then they break up and...
they forget!
They move on like they would have changed a brand of cereals!

I feel I was never able to forget anyone I've been with. Because each person has...
you know, specific qualities.

You can never replace anyone. What is lost is lost.

Each relationship, when it ends, really damages me."

Myself: Balderdash I say. I mean, sheesh... wake up to reality man. Thats the way the world works. That IS reality.

Me: I cannot agree with that. There is no reality, there are only perceptions of it. And where these perceptions find common ground, it is there that we plant our flag of definition for "reality". I disagree with you, therefore there is no common ground, and what you say is not reality.

Myself: haha... look how pathetic you are. Perhaps all your drivel about not forgetting them is because you hope they would not forget you in turn.

Me: And even if it was, what is wrong with that?

Myself: *shrug*

There was, after all, no answer to that kind of question.

-----------------------------

*The film is "Before Sunset". The words are spoken by Julie Delphy's character

Yet another jc friend occurence

2007-04-07T12:20:00.000+08:00

Yesterday while walking in town with my friend, I saw this girl I had a huge crush on back in JC. In terms of physical appearance, she was the exact type I liked... tall (she's 1.76), slim (she was a sprinter for our school), long hair, big eyes etc etc. I never got to know her well because... well, she was the gf of a guy (they've gone their separate ways 5 years ago) I've known since primary school, so can't really say much about what she was like. Yes my crush was based more on physical appearances than anything, so sue me. :)

Back to yesterday... Of course, she was very visible/ noticeable. You don't see such a tall, pretty girl in Orchard every day. I saw her, caught her eye (hey, maybe I'm not too un-noticeable myself! haha...), waved and smiled. She did the same. And then we each went on our ways.

That all set me to thinking how friendships that took so much time to build, the experiences that you've gone through over the past 8 to 9 years... sometimes all that is summarised into a single smile and wave and then you go on your way again. Rather sad ain't it?

-------------------------------------

PS. Her bf whom I saw yesterday was damn cmi. Tsk...

If

2007-04-07T00:25:00.000+08:00

If I drink too much, would it be enough to drown my sorrows?

If I throw myself against the wall enough times, would it numb the pain?

If I held my peace long enough, would you break your silence?

If I run fast enough, would it be enough to outrun thoughts of you?

If I miss you a lot, would you miss me just a little...

please...

-------------------------------

What is free will for, if not to defy our plans?

Meeting someone for the first time

2007-04-05T02:30:00.000+08:00

Its funny how excited I'm feeling. My JC classmate who gave birth in China 4 months ago is going to bring her baby back in May and I'm going to meet them both together with a few other classmates. Its a mini class-gathering (the last one we had was back in 1999) and a celebration rolled into one. I'm not particularly close with them... but somehow I have good vibes about this upcoming meeting. hahaha... probably sounds weird to put it that way though.

Am so looking forward to meeting baby Arielle. :)

清明

2007-04-01T14:47:00.000+08:00

清明时节雨纷纷，
路上行人欲断魂。
借问酒家何处有，
牧童遥指杏花村。
------------------------

烟雨依旧弥漫，人事却已非
城市里面都是天线，却收不到从前。

Pick up lines

2007-03-30T01:07:00.000+08:00

A friend was telling me how she was hit upon by a guy using this really terrible pick up line. Its so bad I'm shocked some guy actually used it.

Clueless guy: "So tell me, do you like raisins?"
Terrorised friend: "Errr... no"

Clueless guy: "How about a date?"
Terrorised friend: *changes subject after two seconds of stunned silence*

Anyway I had to teach her how to deflect even worse ones :)

Guy trying to play it cool: "So baby tell me, how do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Girl: "Unfertilised"

Have a good weekend everyone. :)

On stillness

2007-03-27T02:10:00.000+08:00

Just saw a National Geographic documentary called "Light at the Edge of the World" about Buddhism in Tibet. One of the things they talked about was meditation, settling down into the moment and being still. I can't remember the exact words the lama said, but paraphrased it's something like this...

"Meditating is about being still. And suddenly you realise that a whole lot of thoughts rush into your mind. Thoughts of the past, thoughts of the future... just everything except what is happening at the moment.

But these thoughts did not just come into your mind because it has become still, they have always been there all the time; below the surface. It is when you have become still that you finally notice them.

The mind is like a butterfly. It flits onto a flower, stays a moment and then goes away again. Nobody really knows why. Bring it back gently again. Control it.

But don't think that controlling your mind means a loss of freedom. Imagine a sailor on the sea. If he was just drifting along with the current, would you call that freedom? Only when he takes control of the helm and directs the boat, can he go where he wants. That then, is freedom."

At another part of the program, this was said:

"Imagine the mind as a calm lake and thoughts as the buffeting wind that whips up the waves. Control your thoughts, and still the lake. Be calm"
------------------------------------------------------

We are so proud of our science and our education; but for all we have learnt, we do not know more than people who live in the mountains. Why do we confuse knowledge with wisdom? I wonder.

*Photo above taken in Cambodia. Not altered.

Meet me by the water

2007-03-26T12:55:00.000+08:00

Clips from the movie Pride and Prejudice, set to Rachel Yamagata's "Meet me by the Water".

2007-03-18T13:40:00.000+08:00

I Wish You Love.mp...

Untitled

2007-03-18T01:00:00.001+08:00

New York, cold night... warm updrafts and steam from manholes...
Hurried passers-by huddled in their overcoats... grey.
---------

Light from a pub... an open doorway spills light and the sound of laughter...
step in and you realise people need company... warmth.
---------

Piano in the corner... gentle contemplation... brown eyes and black hair...
her husky voice fills the smoky atmosphere... Yamagata
---------

Wine glass in hand... borne on the music you... sink

The trick to seeing beauty is to open your eyes

2007-03-10T20:51:00.001+08:00

http://forums.clubsnap.org/showthread.php?t=262904

Personality test

2007-03-07T18:36:00.000+08:00

Try this test!!

http://www.personalitytest.net/types/index.htm

This is what another website says about my personality type based on the results from the test at the site above. Those who know me will know whether it is whether it is accurate :)

http://www.typelogic.com/enfp.html

and another one... http://www.personalitypage.com/ENFP.html

yes I'm a narcissist. haha...

Life is a hand grasping sand

2007-03-05T01:02:00.000+08:00

And suddenly its March. Does anyone remember Christmas? (your dress was green). Cause it doesn't seem that long ago to me that the streets were jinggling with bells... and the thought in my head then was that the next proper break would only be in mid feb when CNY came around, and how that's really far away since its a CNY thats later than other years.

And whee. CNY has been over for two weeks already (happy yuan xiao all... its v day for the chinese too). Truth be told, I'm a little horrifed at how fast time is slipping by. I mean, each individual day never seems to end, and each week takes even longer to reach the weekend. And then the weekends just disappear like a puff of smoke (*poof* sound optional) and you're back to the weekdays... which all crawl by agonisingly slowly (sometimes we do the crawling). But for some reason, the weeks and the months are zipping by.

I wrote this poem about 10 years ago when I heard the sad news of the death of my brother's friend's mum in an armed robbery. The first few lines were like this:

Life is a hand grasping sand,
we don't know how we hold it.
Grain by grain it drops to land,
bit by bit time is forfeit.

I can't really remember the rest, and its rubbish anyway so it doesnt matter. Just thought my observation was rather on point (if I may say so). Time is slipping away without us knowing how or why. Sometimes we fumble and then we lose quite a bit of time. Even if we don't, time is dripping away nonetheless. We waste time, without realising that what we are really wasting is life.

Why are we barrelling forward so fast for? Where are we trying to go?

2007-02-26T13:54:00.000+08:00

好累。

事情总办的不好，觉得自己好蠢。有时真不知是为了什么要让自己如此搏斗。

走，我很想。欠人的还完就可以走了。

2007-02-25T17:12:00.000+08:00

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow; a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

-- Macbeth

Time and life

2007-02-20T02:17:00.000+08:00

I just saw this Discovery Channel programme about "The Chinese Cinderella story". Apparently the story of Cinderella started not in Europe, but in China. The first appearance of the story in Europe was actually around 1683 (for a moment there I was about to write "In or about 1683..." which is like... legal drafting. damn... its part of my system now), but the story had already appeared some 800 years earlier in China. Stand aside now Grimm brothers! haha...

The 800+ years time estimation is based on the first written record of it by a scholar. As all good stories go, this one started out as an orally passed down story that was told to gatherings of people at village festivals late at night when the fires burned low. In the programme, the presenter even managed to trace it to the exact tribe of people that first started telling the story.

The story is extremely similar in substance to the Cinderella story we know. Poor young girl gets tortured by her evil stepmother after her father passes away. And then her pet fish (apparently symbolic to poor tribal people who believe that fish possess magical powers) gets eaten by her stepmother. The bones of the fish are magical enough to grant wishes and Ye Xian （叶限）gets a nice new tribal costume (shoes included) to attend a festival. While running away from her stepsister on the way home, she drops a gold-embroidered shoe, which a villager picks up and sells to a king from a neighbouring country. The king finds Ye Xian after a long search and they do the usual happily ever after thing.

Nice story aint it? It sets me thinking about these oral traditions and how things get passed down from generation to generation. I mean, isn't it wonderful that a story that some dude came up with from so long ago can spread all over the world (it got to Europe through the Silk Road) and get passed down over a thousand years? I guess thats the same for many of our traditions. This is not a rant about my observation of the dearth of traditions this CNY, I will leave that for another time. This is more a "I'm rather amazed at how things get passed on" kind of post.

Just take life for example. I read this interesting and very true concept in a book some time back. It said that all of us are miracles. Just imagine this. Each and every single one of your ancestors was fortunate enough to pass on his/her genes before dying of illness, disease etc etc. There's your parents. And then their parents. And their parents' parents and so on (the number increases crazily if u think about it) till you get back to the your ape ancestor and even further back until you reach the first self-replicating amoeba.

Each and every single one of them had the chance/luck/fate/whatever-you-want-to-call-it to meet a member of the opposite sex (not easy if you're just randomly floating in the sea... heck, not easy even now!!) and succesfully court/convince he/she/it to procreate; and the resulting mix of genes was enough to create another individual with characteristics/attributes that allowed it to survive long enough to reach maturity, have the serendipity to meet another member of the opposite sex, court it, and then pass on their genes. On and on. Those who fail in ability to "get" a member of the opposite sex fall along the way. So do those who do not have the chance/luck/fate to meet them. So do those who die of some cause before passing on their genes. As do those who choose for some reason not to procreate (eg. none of my ancestors could have been eunuchs/celibate monks).

All possible factors must come together in the right way at the right time, each and every single time for each and every single one of your ancestors to have appeared. And then they must have gone through the same process to create the next person in line. One single unbroken chain links you (sitting there in front of your computer screen) to your earliest ancestor (whatever that might be) swimming in whatever murky chemical soup of life. A chain of lives. A chain of time. Every single life is a miracle.

How precarious life is, don't you think?

Stay -- U2

2007-02-14T20:58:00.000+08:00

How is this for old school. haha...

Green light, Seven Eleven
You stop in for a pack of cigarettes
You don't smoke, don't even want to
Hey now, check your change
Dressed up like a car crash
Your wheels are turning but you're upside down
You say when he hits you, you don't mind
Because when he hurts you, you feel alive
Hey babe, is that what it is

Red lights, gray morning
You stumble out of a hole in the ground
A vampire or a victim
It depend's on who's around
You used to stay in to watch the adverts
You could lip synch to the talk shows

And if you look, you look through me
And when you talk, you talk at me
And when I touch you, you don't feel a thing

If I could stay...
Then the night would give you up
Stay...and the day would keep its trust
Stay...and the night would be enough

Faraway, so close
Up with the static and the radio
With satelite television
You can go anywhere
Miami, New Orleans
London, Belfast and Berlin

And if you listen I can't call
And if you jump, you just might fall
And if you shout, I'll only hear you

If I could stay...
Then the night would give you up
Stay...then the day would keep its trust
Stay...with the demons you drowned
Stay...with the spirit I found
Stay...and the night would be enough

Three o'clock in the morning
It's quiet and there's no one around
Just the bang and the clatter
As an angel runs to ground

Just the bang
And the clatter
As an angel
Hits the ground

conversations of the non-work sort

2007-02-12T16:05:00.000+08:00

4pm on a Monday afternoon outside the gents of a law firm. A conversation between a pupil and two interns, all guys:

Intern1: Whoa dude, your eyebags are really bad. Too much work?

Pupil: Nah, I had a good weekend, caught up on my sleep.

Intern1: Doesn’t look like it man. Guess they must be permanent already or something.

Pupil: Yeah, think they might be. *chuckles*

Intern2: Actually there’s a cream by L’oreal that’s pretty good for eyebags

*other two look at him, slightly shocked*

Intern2: Sounds damn gay right. But it’s a men’s line…

Intern1: You don’t have to justify yourself.

Intern2: Anyway its got caffeine in it and is damn good. Apply it once and eyebags are gone man.

Pupil: Ok, I will look into it.

One word: Surreal.

sunny saturday dreams

2007-02-10T18:06:00.000+08:00

I decided to take advantage of the fact that the sun was finally out and I had a saturday off to lounge by the pool and do absolutely nothing at all. As I lay there in the haze of the shimmering afternoon heat, my eyes closed and perhaps I fell asleep, but I know that I saw..
--------------------------

You... and I. Together.

On a Saturday such as this where the sky is a painting of blue upon blue and the clouds are like still studies of the fluffy sheep you so adore. Cruising in an open top convertible down an unnamed coastal road with the wind in our hair and our dreams in our hands... our inter-twined hands.

And

we get to a section of the beach and tumble out of the car laughing at some random thing... jokes are just funnier with you around. We run down to the water, whopping, revelling in life, revelling in living, revelling in the present; in each other. We stand by the water and marvel at the rise and ebb of the waves as they lap shyly at our toes. You make a comment about how it parallels the numerous forward and backward steps of our story. I laugh at how silly you were and gently ruffle your hair. You know how much it means to me even thought I don't say it.

Later on, the sun gets low and we take a stroll along the water edge. One hand holding the other, the other hand holding sandals. The wind teases. We say nothing, but know that we are sharing the same thoughts... you look at me and smile, and in your eyes, I see regret of the past and promise of the future. There is no need to say anything.

We stroll on down the beach...
-------------------------------

Chinese New Year is coming!

2007-02-06T13:56:00.000+08:00

I’ve always pitied the poor souls who work in departmental stores around Christmas time. No, it is not the crowds. Neither is it the fact that you’d probably be spending more than you earn since there are sales going on all over the place. Rather, it is the incessant playing of Christmas carols on repeat… can drive anyone nuts. I call it: “Death by Jingle Bells” (mental image: a judge reading out his judgment to a criminal in the dock… “I hereby sentence you to death by jingle bells.” :D)

Anyway the reason I’m bringing this up is because around this period of time, the Chinese New Year songs have started. They are playing on and on, and you can hear them everywhere you go. And somehow, rather than being irritating or unbearable, they are really making me feel the “spirit of the season”. Like I can’t wait for CNY to come around… where everything is red and there’s lots of feasting and lots of laughter and merriment. I don’t know why I’m feeling thus this year, because the preceding years have not been altogether exciting… its like CNY has become a mundane, rote sort of annual occurrence. Not boring, but nothing to get terribly excited about either.

This time around? Hmm… maybe I’m just looking forward to the break… a proper break for once, think about it! (I have decided that if anyone makes me go back to the office on CNY, I will just quit. :P) Or perhaps I am more looking forward to meeting up with friends over the CNY break? Or maybe I am looking forward to the merriment? Or just the ang pow money and gambling and feasting? I don’t really know, but I hope this feeling lasts.

So, Chinatown? :)

Quotable quotes

2007-02-04T16:14:00.000+08:00

Too busy to blog. sigh... here's just something I read.

"Hard work often pays off after a time. Procrastination pays off right now"

I'll find a way -- Rachel Yamagata

2007-01-25T23:39:00.000+08:00

Thanks M for the recommendation. :)

Evidence that work drives you nuts

2007-01-25T23:16:00.000+08:00

My friend who was also working late in the office was feeling hungry and sent an appeal for food to another friend who sat near me. I passed this friend some chocolate, which she brought to him. A while later, I received the email below...

Dear WH,

Greetings. I very recently received a visitation from an angel in (off) white bearing sustenance and succor. I understand that this beneficence of cacao had has its origins in your kind generosity and I hence offer you my thanks and gratitude. May the Light shine ever favourably on your charitable self.

With every good wish,
J
----------------------------------

Of course I had to reply... :)

----------------------------------
Dear J,

Greetings and salutations. It is with great pleasure and greater embarassment that I read your letter. Truly sir, you are too free with your kind words of thanks and (undeserved) praise. I am truly pleased to have had the opportunity to offer a fellow wanderer in this barren land that very modest tidbit. And when that traveller is a gentleman as distinguished as your goodself, pleasure moves to pride. Please sir, if it does not offend your genteel senses, feel very free to call upon my humble food stores whenever you wish to in the future.

The Light shine on you too.

I remain,
faithfully yours,

WH

Chinese dinners

2007-01-22T00:58:00.000+08:00

The best approach, I think, is simply to keep quiet and ignore them.

I am, of course, talking about discussing things with some people who cannot seem to accept that there are alternative views to theirs. An uncle had his 70th birthday celebration earlier and we were having dinner at Orchard Hotel. Another uncle remarked to a guest (from China) that to be able to live to that age "是一种成就". I apologise to the people whose computers cannot read the chinese script, the hanyu pinyin is "shi yi zhong cheng jiu", which I would translate as "it is an achievement". Whoever wants to correct me, please feel free to do so.

This uncle is the worst sort of "chinese chauvanist". I'm sure you've met one of those... that think that the chinese culture is THE epitome of culture and everything chinese is good and everything none chinese is bad. Bah. Balderdash. I'm as proud of chinese culture and heritage as anyone else, but there is a thin line between being proud of what you are and insisting that everyone else becomes like you. He not only crossed the line, he totally obliterated it.

I remember this quarrel he had with my brother at another dinner function just because my brother spoke with me and my sister in English. "Why speak in English? You are Chinese people! You people who are educated overseas are all the same, so proud of that fact that you have forgotten your roots" All directed at my brother for nothing. Tsk. Part two of the problem is that this uncle thinks that every single thing he says is THE ULTIMATE AND FINAL TRUTH on that matter. Go figure.

Anyway he said it was an "achievement" and casually tossed me a "wh, don't you agree?". I said "nope, I don't". You could see his face change. But well, you asked for my opinion, here it is. I mean... I don't see the "achievement" in being 70. If I spend the next year doing absolutely nothing except eating, sleeping and sh*tt*ng, I would be a year older. It takes absoutely no effort to get older. And I don't know about him, but my mental dictionary says "achievement" means some effort was involved. Boy was he pissed. hahaha... But I stopped that discussion right there and then because we were going to sing for my birthday uncle to cut his cake (uncle chauvanist was all ready to continue shouting at me and mess up the entire party. I mean, after all, the universe is about him, so why not right?)

After the cake cutting etc was done, I turned back to uncle C and said, "so Uncle, would you like to continue the conversation now?" He said, "i have nothing to discuss with you. I was having a discussion with *gestures to guest from China* when you rudely cut into our conversation." He was playing the "I am from a senior generation so you have to kowtow to me" card, so I played along. I mean, obviously he knew he was losing ground and so wanted to keep me out of the conversation, but I wasn't going to let him go with that, so I said, "well I don't notice another wh around here, but since u were not talking to me, I would apologise for cutting into your conversation". I admit it was a ploy on my part to play on his weakness, with people like that, they die die also want to have the last word. So but cutting the conversation short, I made him immediately initiate it again.

He started telling me about how lousy my mandarin was blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda... I just said that I don't think "achievement" was the right word to use in the circumstances. I thought "good fortune" would be a better word to use... like, "that he can live to 70 is a kind of good fortune (fu qi)". If you wanted to say it is an achievement, you have to say something long the lines of how it is an achievement to be this age and healthy etc etc. Anyway he started on the "broad" use of the word "cheng jiu" which he claimed was more poetic versus the "narrow" interpretation which he claimed I was harping on. I just accepted the yammering because I was sure of my ground, but then he said something that pissed me off. He said "you law people are all the same. Don't come and do your law thing on me". He insisted that I was nit-picking on the words because I was a lawyer by training. I don't know about the rest of you law people reading this, but this line always gets me damn pissed.

*Disclaimer: it is a truly small group of people who do this, both from law and non-law industries... keep your eyes open, you will see them.

I mean, I'm sorry about this, but I am trained to find faults in logic. I am similarly trained to pick up the flaws and imprecision in language. These are not because I am trying/being an asshole (although I know I am a PITA alot of the time), it is because I am trying to understand what you exactly mean. Not one degree more or less of meaning. So shoot me because you are illogical and what you say makes no sense and I happen to point it out. It is an irresistable impulse to point out inconsistencies and illogicalities... all of which are unexplainable by the person who makes the statement of course. And then when they find themselves cornered, out comes that same line... "you law people are all the same. Don't do your law thing on me".

There are many permutations to that line. "Don't talk to me about finance just because you did some degree" or "dont tell me how to run my business ok, I know you are management student, but you know nothing" blah blah blah... basically its the "i'm gonna take the fact that you somehow do know what you are talking about and use it against you".

I personally find that quite a loser thing to do. Sometimes also they stand up and walk away or lose their temper. I mean... come on, can't we have a discussion? If you are wrong, just take it in your stride. There are so many times when I myself have been corrected, both by law and non-law people... I'm just glad that its my friends correcting me instead of me making a fool of myself at some public function where I'm in the midst of strangers. That's how we learn isnt it? Through rigorous dialogue and exchange of ideas. It is a pleasure when you find someone who can stimulate you mentally like this. It is a real pain when someone is the opposite.

So sometimes, I choose to keep quiet. After all, if you are so insistent on being right, who am I to think I can correct you? haha... less acrimony in the world man.

Later on, uncle C started explaining the meaning of a chinese poem to our guest from China. I opened my mouth... but only so I can continue eating and drinking :)
----------------------------

Another thought: I find it odd that people can tolerate imprecision in their language... especially when they self-proclaim to be extremely well-versed in that language. hmm...

Taxi rides

2007-01-20T00:18:00.000+08:00

The other day I was in the office until the wee hours of the morning rushing a piece of work for a client. Of course, by the time I left, the only form of public transport available was taxis. And as luck would have it, I met a taxi driver who was a little... off his rocker.

I'm starting to have to take the taxi enough on late nights such that I can write a comprehensive guide to the different types of taxi drivers that drive the night shift. Of course this is a general guide and not meant to be comprehensive. Here's my guide, enjoy. :)

1. The nice uncle

He understands you are tired out and basically wants to be left alone, so he turns down the music or puts on something soothing and just keeps his mouth quiet and drives you to your destination. You encounter uncles from this category about half the time when taking the taxi at night.

2. The "I've-been-wanting-to-tell-someone-about-this-all-day" uncle

This guy is a novelist/lumberjack wrapped up in a time bomb. He's got a story to tell, or an axe to grind (most of the time against the government or other drivers/motorcyclists or other taxis). And he's got to do it right now, to you, before he explodes. You are (unfortunately) expected to give proper replies.

3. The sleepy/ drunk uncle

A phenomenon unique to the night shift, as he gradually falls alseep, he makes you very awake as you worry about your life. The more he sleeps, the more awake you become. So basically the average level of wakeful-ness on the taxi is maintained. The taxi periodically wavers from right to left and left to right. You hope and pray it is all a ruse to try and increase the total distance travelled so he can charge more. The alternative is he is falling asleep. Wonder of wonders, you actually initiate conversation to try and keep him awake!

4. The super old uncle

This is a variant of the sleepy uncle (sometimes the two traits are combined). For some reason, old uncles cannot hold the wheel of the taxi very well. They are constantly moving the wheel up and down and consequently the taxi drifts right to left and left to right again. This is more deliberate and constant than in the "sleepy uncle" cases. As you start feeling giddy and nauseous, you wonder whether this is correctly called being car-sick or sea-sick.

5. The psycho

I've only encountered this type of guy once.. and it was more than enough. This guy decided that his touch-screen display was messing with him because it could not receive the satellite signal (c'mon dude, it was raining heavily) and therefore his remedy was to put his fist through the screen. Not just once, but at regular intervals through the ride, punctuated with colourful language. Oh boy. And he had to proudly tell me that he had already smashed three such screens. Geez. Basically the whole trip was something like this... *I start falling asleep*... *vulgarity damning the system and the screen*... *sound of fist hitting the screen*... *I get startled awake*... *repeat*
-----------------------------

I'm typing this in the office now while waiting for two team-mates to finish up so we can share a cab back. Friday and past midnight; the three of us are the firm.

On ability

2007-01-18T14:24:00.000+08:00

I saw this yesterday while waiting for the train.

"Don't measure yourself by what you have accomplished, but by what you should have accomplished with your ability" -- John Wooden

I guess this is what drives certain people to be more successful than they already are... they realise the "real competition" is only with themselves.

New experiences

2007-01-15T12:24:00.000+08:00

It feels different to be sitting in court as a member of a team representing one of the parties. Of course I've had the experience of sitting as a member of the audience watching proceedings, both locally and overseas (while in London, I watched an awe-inspiring cross examination put up by a prosecuting Queen's Counsel who tore apart a witness in 15 minutes flat... right after defence counsel spent 5 hours leading evidence-in-chief). And then of course, from law school courses, competitions and plc itself, I've also had the experience of being the counsel who speaks. But neither one compares with being a member of a team. The former experience is too remote... you are not in any way connected with the case or its preparation. The latter? You pay complete, utter attention to every single thing that is being said and immediately think of ten thousand things to say to agree or disagree with it. You're all fired up to speak.

Being a member of the team is somewhere in the middle. You are intimately familiar with the details of the case, but not stuck with the sometimes debilitating fear that follows the need to stand up and present your case. Of course, some times the adrenaline just washes over you and you enter the same sort of "battle fever" (next time you feel your adrenaline rushing, notice how your face actually feels hot) that you experience in situations of physical danger, and how that over-rides the fear you feel by pushing it to the back of your mind as a secondary concern. Hopefully at least. I have no problems speaking up in an impromptu situation, like pipe up at a party and get everyone's attention for a short announcement. But somehow when I have to present a case in a court setting, I turn to mush... slush that you crush, brush and flush.

Sitting there watching my boss present the case, I felt no fear however. And I started to have a little inkling of a feeling that I just might be able to pull something like this off in the future too. It is all very professional. The judge wants to know your case, the other side is trying to shoot it down, and you've got to prop it up. There's no ragging or malice or anything, no one is going out of their way to wear you down for fun... everyone is just doing their best in a situation that's best described as an intelligent discussion of different view points. Its very nice really, and I think its something I would look forward to doing next time.
--------------------------------------------

Meeting clients for the first time is an experience. It is decidedly odd to meet face-to-face the people you have been reading so much about from the files. From the files, you get a pretty good idea of the things that have happened so far, you get the storyline. You read the correspondences they sent to the lawyers earlier, or to the other side and you get a glimpse of their characters, the people they are like in different situations. You sometimes learn their pet phrases. You get to know certain private portions of their lives. You "know them" in a very familiar way without even knowing them. And then you meet them.

Its like a character from a novel you were reading just stepped off the pages and into your life. You are shaking hands with Brer Rabbit and helping him think of new tricks to bully Brer Fox with, having a beer with James Bond and talking about the latest gadgets. Gosh. It is weird.

Old emails

2007-01-07T18:35:00.000+08:00

I was browsing through some old emails and chanced upon this extract from "Tuesdays with Morrie" that I sent to a friend.
---------------------------------------

"Have I told you about the tension of opposites?" he says.

The tension of opposites?

"Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even though you know you should never taken anything for granted."

"A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle"

Something like a wrestling match, I say.

"A wrestling match." He laughs. "Yes, you could describe life that way."

"Which side wins?" I ask

He smiles at me, the crinkled eyes, the crooked teeth.

"Love wins. Love always wins."

Pass? Fail.

2007-01-06T20:51:00.000+08:00

My friend discovered that I was still in the office rushing to meet deadlines and this was the ensuing conversation:

Friend: Don't worry, everything will pass

Me: Yeah.

Me: I'm about to pass out

Me: or pass away

Me: Just trying to pass up my work

Me: and pass it off

Me: as passable

Now who says work can't be fun? :)

One deep breath and here we go into the new work year!

2007-01-02T21:12:00.000+08:00

A song I heard for the first time today whilst driving. A frantic sms to the radio station later I got the name of the song and here it is on my blog already. The wonders of technology eh?

Spent too much money over these two days. Sportswear, more Haruki Murakami books, a new wallet. I'm beginning to understand why people who work really hard feel the need to splurge sometimes. Its a kind of... revenge. Or perhaps justification would be a better word... I mean, if I work my *ss off during weekdays, surely I can't begrudge myself some spending on the weekends? Oh well, better not pursue that too far. My new wallet is too empty as it is. haha...

Met up with Jiap and Yj. Lovely people both. Somehow, speaking with them rejuvenates me... its not like every time we meet we table an agenda of the problems we are facing and set about solving them. Its just their company, conversations with them. Makes me take a breath, gather myself and stand up again to continue fighting. Problems? Bring them on! As Baz Luhrmann said, "sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you're behind... the race is long..." (its the sunscreen song for those who are wondering why those lines are so familiar). Thank you both... I really appreciate the friendship. :)
-----------------------------------

Rob Thomas -- Ever the same

Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you so we both fall down

Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same

You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you're no burden I assure
You tide me over
With a warmth I'll not forget
But I can only give you love

溫柔

2007-01-02T03:01:00.001+08:00

走在風中　今天陽光　突然好溫柔
天的溫柔　地的溫柔　像你抱著我
然後發現　你的改變　孤單的今後
如果冷　該怎麼渡過

天邊風光　身邊的我　都不在你眼中
你的眼中　藏著什麼　我從來都不懂
沒有關係　你的世界　就讓你擁有
不打擾　是我的溫柔

Happy new year

2006-12-31T23:50:00.000+08:00

Goodbye 2006.

You have been full of ups and downs... more downs than ups unfortunately. Who knows, maybe thats how its meant to be. How many changes I have gone through this year. I graduated, worked and travelled overseas alone, started work proper back here, started learning wing tsun... got drunk for the first and only time in my life and puked my guts out... purgatory? I had to question my own morals with regards to some things.

I loved.
I lost.

I fall, get up... and fall again. I'm tired of getting up, tired of fighting. Tired of being tough.

I learnt things, many of them about myself. I learnt the meaning of solitude and how it suits me. I learnt that I don't belong here.
---------------------

Happy new year. I hope you are happy.

Thoughts on running

2006-12-31T16:42:00.000+08:00

Earlier, after coming back from work (I went back to clear some stuff so I wont be beseiged by deadlines come wed), I went for a long run. As I ran, I discovered some things:

1. You can outrun almost anything. Birds, dogs, other people, cars even. As long as you run long enough and far enough, you can outlast them all. Just like life.

2. There is pain involved. When you run and you run and you are out of breath but continue running. To punish yourself perhaps. When pain throbs in your side, your lungs feel like they are on fire and your throat is parched... you can choose to stop running, or to swallow the pain and continue. Just like life.

3. But pain is part of the process. It is also part of the experience. Without which the process will be incomplete. Pain is cleansing. It makes you cherish what you have gone through more. Just like love.

4. Some things you cannot outrun. Like thoughts. You can run so fast and so hard that you pound them into the ground. Or so you think. Until you realise that thinking about pounding them into the ground makes them silently reappear at your shoulder. Just like your shadow.

5. You cannot outrun yourself. If you started out on the run as a lonely slob, your run will end with you being a lonely slob. You are just a more sweaty, lonely slob. Just like me.

6. You cannot outrun certain inalienable truths. Wars dont stop, children continue starving, the world is neither less nor more beautiful... you are still a lonely slob. Just like before.

7. You think running is a release. You think the things you do or say make a difference. Well too bad, they don't. Those are just your own fanciful dreams. Just like always.

----------------------------------------------
The road beckons. It promises cleansing pain.

I'm going off for another run now. Maybe things will be different this time around. Maybe I will finally out-run your eyes.

Blue Shoes -- Katie Melua

2006-12-31T12:29:00.001+08:00

These blue shoes seem to suit me well,
When I feel like hell,
As I do now that you're gone
Lost and lonely since you stopped caring,
I've been wearing my new shoes.
I've been wearing my blue shoes.

You and I made the perfect pair,
It don't seem fair,
I loved you more than you know.
Sorry I'm such a sorry state,
But while I wait for some good news,
I'll be wearing my blue shoes.

Don't feel like walking strong,
Shufflin' along on my way home.
Trudgin' down that shopping street,
Where we used to meet.
But I ain't buying.
I'm wearing my blue shoes and crying.

These blue shoes seem to suit my soul,
Since you shot that hole.
Since you shot that hole in my heart
And if I wind up on the sidewalk bleeding
I won't be needing my new shoes
Won't be needing my blue shoes.

These blue shoes seem to suit me well
When I feel like hell,
As I do now that you're gone
Lost and lonely since you stopped caring
I've been wearing my new shoes
I've been wearing my blue shoes

Two paths lay in a wood...

2006-12-31T01:00:00.000+08:00

"But what disgusts me even more are people who have no imagination. The kind T.S. Eliot calls hollow men. People who fill up that lack of imagination with heartless bits of straw, not even aware of what they're doing. Callous people who throw a lot of empty words at you, trying to force you to do what you don't want to...When I'm with them I just can't bear it, and wind up saying things I shouldn't... Do you know why that's a weak point?

Cause if you take every single person who lacks much imagination seriously, there's no end to it"

-- "Kafka on the shore", Haruki Murakami
----------------------------------------------------------

I think that, generally speaking, there are only two ways to live your life. The first is to take the mundane approach. You know; earn your pay, have your family and cruise along. Of course you could take this to extremes in different ways... maybe have a really huge family? Or do your best to become really rich. Not a bad place to be at all, and I suppose there is always the attraction of having that feeling of security that things are the way they "should be". Everything is fine, lets not rock the boat. Singaporean dream, get your As in your studies and Cs in your life and all that.

And then there is the other way where you throw caution to the wind and try to really live your dreams. Perhaps be a film director. A dancer. A writer. A full time backpacker. A full time aid worker. Maybe you like theatre. Or philosophy. Or research. Perhaps it will all come to nought... there is no financial security to speak of after all. But you live... you really live. Doing the things you really want to do gives you not only purpose, but also immeasurable satisfaction that simply cannot be replicated with something like "financial satisfaction".

And if life isn't about living, then I dont know what it is about.

Of course, neither of the two paths are absolute or exclusive. You could be living your dream and still have all the benefits that the more mundane path affords. Good for you. If such an opportunity ever comes your way, don't give it up! And if not? I guess then we should ask ourselves which path is the one we really want. And when you have that answer, ask yourself how you should go about achieving it. What are the things that will help you to achieve your goals? And what, conversely, impedes you? Have the courage to clear the clutter.

One life. Live it.

Train... of thoughts

2006-12-30T01:10:00.000+08:00

Just now on the train home, I met someone I knew from long ago. I think. Couldn't really be sure because I didn't go over to say hi to her... kinda forgot her name already. We were never that close anyway. I knew her as the friend of a friend... and I'm not even in contact with that friend anymore.

At least, I think it was the person I thought it was. Either that or it was just a random stranger who was trying too hard to catch glimpses of a weary guy on his way home. I'm not that pretty that I would attract this kinda attention, I know. So it has to be the first case.

Honestly, I didnt try too hard to see whether it was her... besides the embarassing fact that I had forgotten her name, I was feeling rather anti-social. I guess being tired does that to you... I couldn't even catch a simple pun that another friend messaged me while I was on my way home, that's how bad it is. But I'm sure most of you reading this know what I mean... when you're really tired, sometimes you just don't feel like making conversation. You wrap silence and the "don't approach me" vibe around you as if it were a shawl and then walk along the streets. Wrapping yourself up and paradoxically becoming colder rather than warmer. People pick it up you know... thats why all the salespeople and insurance agents stay away then.

I know what I said about 10 things to do everyday. To call an old friend everyday... but sometimes you can't help but wonder what their reaction would be like. They might try a joke like "hey you're still alive?" or "wah, finally have the time to call?" or something along those lines... its meant as a joke, but it is a little jarring too because after all, they didn't bother to keep in touch and you are the one actually making the effort to call then. Perhaps that is why I am always a little afraid and apprehensive to have to try to get back in contact with people I have lost contact with. You never know whether what was there is still there.

Time passes and things change. People change.

Some things dont.

Music for nights at the office

2006-12-29T21:13:00.000+08:00

I am rather encouraged by Germ's praise of my song selections. heh... so here's two more.

Listen to them one after the other, thats the way they are meant to be listened to. They are rather different, but very complementary.

Plans? People are more important

2006-12-29T00:48:00.001+08:00

I was on the phone with M earlier and she suddenly asked me what I was planning to do this sunday... took me a moment to realise she was talking about New Year's Eve. I suppose that plans... well, with the right people, the plans are always right. Without the right people... what plans are we talking about?

Just like how I spent Christmas Eve. Just sitting at home watching a movie... until a call changed all that. But anyway, the movie I watched was "Love Actually". Somehow, I'm rather a sucker for romantic comedy-ish movies like this. And my favourite scene? Of course it had to be the one where Mark turned up at Juliet's door at Christmas.

At the end he said, "Enough... enough for now".

The crazy world

2006-12-28T00:50:00.002+08:00

The world is going crazy.

Yesterday, the south-western coast of Taiwan was hit by an earthquake... our internet services here in S'pore were actually disrupted because of that. And my heart stopped for a moment when I thought of my friend in Taiwan.

Malaysia is going through its worst floods ever; people have died. And two of my friends just left to go there today. I am not happy about this.

Not to be too alarmist, but the crazy weather is obviously because of global warming. I am old enough to remember cool summers in June and mild monsoons in December... don't you guys? If it can change so much within 20 years, I dread to think what it will be like when we are 70. I think its time we took a little more responsibility for our world.
------------------------------

PS: Please... come back safe.

Conversations at red-lights

2006-12-27T00:52:00.001+08:00

As too many people know, I am not too good at writing... so here goes nothing.
-----------------------------

The song started just as they pulled up at the red light; when he finally turned to return her gaze. Like always, he was left a little breathless at the gentleness he saw there.

"What am I to do with you?" they whispered; a little exasperated, a little petulant.

He just looked back steadily. In his eyes she saw herself and felt calm. The peacefulness of a cool mountain lake at sunset, vibrantly coloured, dazzling and beautiful, but also still and peaceful. Hazy mountains in the distance. Enduring. The water a mirror... of dreams; that you dip a cupped hand into, to drink in life. The little shiver it gives is thrilling, but also a little frightening.

And a promise to be near each time you call...

Why are we afraid to live? Reach out our hands now...

She in turn could not believe how gentle he could be. She knows it is true, but she denies it all and turns...

I can only give you country walks in springtime
And a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall;

He smiled that quiet little smile of his, the one she used to call a smirk... and stretches out his hand to gently trace a line down her cheek. She looks back. Her lips part and she searches for words, to say what she knows not; but he stops her with the finger on her lips.

And still his eyes speak, "Come with me and fly... and live your dreams"

If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear,
You'll be glad to know that my demands are small

She struggles... it is not easy for her too, he knows.

His smile becomes a little sadder.

Say it's me that you'll adore
For now and ever more,
That's all... that's all.

Still that same enduring patience. She sees her dreams, but she has to choose it.

The lights will turn green.
-------------------------------------------------

Song -- "That's all" by Michael Buble

Power and Responsibility

2006-12-25T22:25:00.000+08:00

I was telling her about the Nat Geog programme I watched and telling her how frustrated and helpless I felt. Surely there must be something we can do to alleviate the situation somehow... there are so many holes to be plugged and so few people who are able and willing (two distinct requirements, each of which usually reduces the final number of volunteers by a tremendous lot). What can we do to change the situation? As a motivational/multiplier force to create organisations that address such problems if possible... and at least on an individual basis if not. Are you willing to step up to fill the gap? And if so, where do you best fit in?

Power and responsiblity.

The greater the power, the greater the responsibility. How "Spiderman", but how true. If you have more, please give more. Sure, if you want to devote all you have to the singular of pursuit of getting the things you want without any consideration for others, that is a choice you are entirely entitled to. But surely... surely people are not made to be like this. Surely we can care a little more for each other. I don't believe that the world is meant to be cold. Use your talents and your abilities to make a difference... there must be more to life than ourselves.

Have you visited your conscience today?
---------------------------------------------

She quietly considered my words... it was nothing I had not previously told her. And then she gently said, "Wh, sometimes I think you take the weight of the world on your shoulders". I looked at her and said with a smile, "Well, thats because I have broad shoulders". She gave me a lingering, searching gaze and smiled without saying anything. She knew what I was saying. And I knew she understood me... that I was not talking about my shoulders. There is communication, even in silence.

We continued strolling.

Agree to disagree... please

2006-12-25T17:45:00.000+08:00

Saturday night and I was lounging at home alone, just laying on the couch and watching television. Its nice to be doing nothing, with yourself, once in awhile. And then, quite by chance, I stumbled upon this National Geographic programme they were showing called "No Borders" that was tracing the Israeli- Palestinian conflict through following three journalists as they covered the news-breaking events of each day; one Israeli, one Palestinian, and one German who covered both sides of the war.

I don't get it. Do we as humans derive some sick pleasure in fighting?

We see the Israeli side of the conflict. Now these guys really have it bad... there was more than once where the journalist had to cover suicide bombings. He'd get there and start taking pictures of the biggest pieces of flesh left lying around. Mangled bodies, twisted metal, shattered everything else. Destruction destruction destruction is the message. And then he also had to cover funerals... the one he went to was of a soldier who was killed at a checkpoint that was bombed.

You see grieving relatives and groups of soldiers standing around as the last rites are given. Women who are openly wailing and collapsing, and men valiently trying to hide their tears behind sunglasses. Almost all of them armed with assault rifles, a stark statement affirming the knowledge that they might be attacked even there and then. You think about how it could just as easily be you at that scene if it were your country at war. You could be the one lowered into the soil, you could be the one crying. You cannot help but understand their fear and their anger.

One of the modules I took in law school was anti-terrorism law and one of the classmates we had was an Israeli woman. She was of course very strongly against terrorists and more than once voiced strong support for measures like the Patriot Act. One of the things she said that really struck me was that she never left her home with an argument unsettled between her or any family member. They always made up... because they do not know whether or not they were actually make it home. The whole country is a target, every single citizen everywhere is at risk... imagine living in that kind of environment. Every time you say goodbye to someone, anyone... it might be for the last time. It teaches you the true meaning of cherishing everyone in your life

On the other side of the conflict are the Palestinians. They don't have it good from the Israelis either. The journalist gets called often to scenes of random shelling by the Israelis, who constantly make use of the fact that they are militarily superior. They randomly shell settlements or set up "checkpoints" that disallow all traffic from passing through so that if you worked at one end of a town and were trying to get home to the other end, you might take up to two days and numerous attempts before you complete what should be a half an hour journey. There was footage showing what happened at these checkpoints. The cars get stopped and every passenger is made to alight and stand in the glare of spotlights for a few hours. Loudspeakers hailing from the darkness warned you not to move, or risk getting shot. No doubt the papers would have classified it as "someone was shot for not complying with orders at a checkpoint".

Another thing that really sucked was the building of the wall in the West Bank now to prevent incursions from Palestinian suicide bombers. It is basically one huge concrete wall, 8-10m high that was put into place section by section. It is not placed at natural geographical divides in the land (for example where there is a river or a valley/mountain), instead, it is just plonked down merrily according to plans made on a map. So neighbourhoods in the same town get split up and are forever left on different sides of the wall, children stop having access to their schools, people to their workplaces, all within the space of a day.

Yet another thing was the bull-dozing of settlements by the Israelis. They would come at the middle of the night and start bull-dozing, wrecking tens of homes every night. And then every few days they would extend their fences that much further over land they was just bull-dozed... and if anyone went back into that area, they were shot. How does that feel? Is it any surprise that people are willing to strap bombs to themselves for their country?

It just saddens me to see all this conflict. Without taking either side at all, I just find it so... unnecessary. The truth is, I couldn't differentiate between the Palestinians and the Israelis... to me, they were just one same people. Just like you and me and everyone else in the world. Human. At the end of the programme, one of the things that the Israeli journalist said stuck in my head:

"You have your views, I have mine. We can disagree... but surely there is no need to kill each other over it."

It is Christmas today. For those who are religious, please offer a prayer to all the people in the world who are suffering. Don't forget them even as you revel and party.

Please. Stay to one side if you are moving slowly

2006-12-21T18:48:00.000+08:00

Stupid people who block the escalator, stairs or any narrow pathway with their bulk should be kicked. Hard.

Exactly what is so difficult about the instruction to keep left when you are not walking up or down the escalators? Similarly, how difficult is it to walk on only one side of any pathway instead of waddling down the middle? Come on, if you know you’re gonna be walking slowly, move your ass to one side so that others may pass. You may have all the time in the world, but others have pressing timelines.

This “large” auntie was blocking the escalator down to the trains this morning and, in trying to push past her, I hit my watch against the side of the escalator. Now a huge scratch mars its surface. The watch is not expensive, but the sentimental value of it is immeasurable.

I am so not happy about this.

Remember your lessons

2006-12-21T01:06:00.000+08:00

Back when my siblings and I were still in primary school, my mother used to sit down with us every night to coach us in our studies. She did this for all three of us up till we each left primary school. Now this was no mean feat since 10 years separated my elder brother and my younger sister. So from the time my brother entered his primary school at age 7 till my sister left hers at age 12, my mother sat and coached us; 15 years in all it was... and perhaps even longer because I seem to remember that she coached my sister up till the time she was 14 (because she was weaker in her studies).

I only really remember the times she coached my brother and me together. We'd always have dinner at 7pm, and then watch whichever drama serial happened to be on Channel 8 until that day's episode ended at 8pm. Then my brother and I will race each other up the stairs (whilst my then toddler sister would remain to play downstairs) to our room. Our study tables and shelves were placed against the wall opposite the entrance to our room (and had a window looking out the front of the house), taking up entirely a third of the room. My seat was on the right, where I could see the tree just outside the house sway and create dancing shadows to the tune of the street lights and rhythm of the breeze. My brother's seat was on the left where he had to stare at a wall. Of course, that was because he let me have the window seat. My mother sat in the middle and coached left and right.

Perhaps because of the monotony and the lack of distraction induced by the wall, my brother was a brilliant student (he holds two Masters degrees currently and has studied in three different universities in three different continents). Thankfully I never did too badly either, but somehow or other mathematics always used to disagree with me. My mother used to hit my palm or pinch me (and sometimes cane me) when I did badly, but she had her rules as to when punishment would be exacted and what exactly constituted "doing badly". She always explained that it was perfectly fine even to fail if the reason for doing badly is because we did not understand the subject matter. If, on the other hand, we were doing badly because we were careless, then albeit that we were getting more than 95 marks for our tests, we would still get scolded.

Simply put, only the things out of your control are forgivable infringements. Whatever is within your control should be done properly and well. Altogether a very good and fair attitude to take.

Today, I was forcibly reminded of this very important lesson from my mother. I messed up a piece of work I was doing purely because of my own stupidity, carelessness and laziness. Luckily enough, the boss who gave me the piece of work didn't chew me out too roughly. He just told me that carelessness and intellectual laziness like this was simply unacceptable for our profession, and I perfectly agree. It is fine for me to not know everything (after all, I'm still a pupil), but there is no excuse for carelessness. None at all. I was in the wrong, and grateful to have been corrected.

The reason I'm blogging about this is not because I'm proud that I was wrong. I just want to leave a record and a reminder here to myself... to remember the lessons I have learnt.

2006-12-20T13:44:00.000+08:00

You don't know how much I miss you.

Of taxis and work

2006-12-19T01:00:00.000+08:00

I came home not too long ago. Its interesting... the first day, I left work an hour after 6pm. The second day I left 2 hours after 6pm. Today, the third day, I left 5+ hours after 6pm. At this rate, I will soon be owing the office some hours. hmmm...

It was raining when I left, but still I took a bus and then trudged home in the rain. Somehow, I didn't feel that the work I did today was worth charging a client taxi fare for. I mean, sure, they probably would be able to afford it (at least more than me) and it is after all an "entitlement" of sorts... but I just couldnt get over my conscience.

A man I look up to once told me, "It is important to always do what is right". I am not able to do it all the time, but I try. At the end of the day, I can answer to myself... albeit that some people might laugh at me for "being stupid". I suppose I am. But rather a stupid man who tries to do what is right, than a smart man using his wiles to do what isn't. True?

I need new shoes. The current (and only) pair takes in water when it rains... and I have to walk. Tomorrow, I will be walking in wet shoes to work.

Running in the rain

2006-12-17T11:45:00.000+08:00

Its been raining the whole of today. I guess thats a consequence of it being December. I mean, of course if you really want to be technical and go into the details, it is more because of the monsoon and us living in the tropics rather than something so nebulous as "December" that brings the rains. I've always thought of the December rains here as something thats a little apologetic. Almost as if it were sorry that we didn't have snow; a grin and a shrug of regretful acknowledgement, a token replacement offered as a matter of appeasement.

I don't mind it though. Every time the rains start coming vigorously and the days start getting a little colder, it would be a sign to me that the year is coming to a close. It is almost like the rain is washing away the detritus of that year... give it a good wash. To wash away the bad things that happened in the previous year, mentally pack up whatever needs shelving, shrug off the negativity and face the new year all clean and refreshed. At least, that used to be the way it was. Nowadays, I just notice the chill more and I can't help but feel a little lonesome. Still, the rains are enjoyable.

It poured yesterday while we were on our hike... started right when we were on our way back from failing to find C's Oakleys which dropped along the way. I looked up as the first fat drops were coming down and my first thought was that the heavens must be crying for her loss (to her, their loss was more than monetary)... my second thought was, "as if it weren't bad enough already, now it has to rain". And my third thought was "oh dear, the closest shelter must be at least two kilometers away". But being the "tough army men" (haha...) that we were, all we did was shrug off the rain as if it were not coming down and stride stoicly on until we came to the deserted main road.

Its funny how different your mindset can be sometimes. Usually, the first few moments you get caught in rain, all you think of is to get some shelter so you can remain dry. You frantically look around for a roof to hide under, and then start planning a route that can take you from where you are to where you'd want to go, dry. Whereas in our situation where shelter is not and will not be available in the near future, we were all sanguine about it. We strolled along and chatted, the rain could very well have been not falling except we couldn't help but notice we were getting drenched... but that was more an afterthought than anything.

Soon the rain started falling more seriously, and as the few of us who went searching for the Oakleys were trying to meet up with the rest who had gone ahead (and presumeably found shelter), we started running. It was more for meeting up with the rest than for shelter though, since by this time we were wet through anyway. We had, in a manner of speaking, nothing more to lose. But perhaps we ran because it felt right to do so.

And so we ran down the winding road in driving rain with reckless abandon, whooping at the rain and laughing at ourselves. All of a sudden, we were young and strong and carefree again. You know the feeling, where there is only you and your friends and the road slipping away beneath your pounding soles... where you focus on everything and nothing all at once; where everything is as important as nothing; when you feel open to the world, alive.

I guess I miss being alive to the moment.

Change

2006-12-16T23:45:00.000+08:00

For some unfathomable reason, my army friends decided that the best way to spend a saturday morning would be to take a hike from Macritchie to Upper Bukit Timah. For old times sake they said, so we would be hiking on mud trails hot, sweaty and dirty, putting our now-soft bodies through the paces again. And just like last time, there was absolutely no purpose in this except to get from Point A to Point B. Oh, and it is supposed to be fun. How do you refuse an invitation like this? haha...

But of course, I'm just pretending to complain. :) The real reason for the outing is as simple as creating an opportunity for us to get together to enjoy each other's company. I am always a little astounded at how easily some people can get back in touch again after being apart for a period of time. I notice that for me this generally happens more easily with my male friends than my female ones though... as a group we meet rather infrequently now due to work/study commitments; perhaps thrice a year? But everytime we meet, it is a few very simple sentences to catch up ("still at the same job? still with the same girl? everything ok at home? anything else happened?" in that order... Tells you about our priorities in life. haha...), and then we are back to the same level of easy familiarity we used to enjoy.

The ribbing picks right up where we left it, the same people get teased for the same reasons, the nicknames are repeated (sometimes we forget each other's real names) and old jokes/ funny occurences get taken out of storage, dusted, retold and re-laughed over. We don't get tired of them, really... I guess that might sound odd as you read it, but I'm sure there are some stories you enjoy with old friends that you don't get tired re-telling. Some things never change. I guess it's a bit of a stupid question, but I really don't get why some things have to change. Is it necessary? Or just a natural consequence?

Why do people have to change? Not just internally, but also inter se.

Why is it that the once upon a time closeness and absolute trust we enjoyed now has to be covered with this disagreeable veneer of slightly distant politeness? I don't get it. Some things change and some things don't. The situation now may be different from last time, but how is it possible that friendship slides backwards over time? Are we rowing a boat against the current such that any failure to make active effort towards progress will result in things going backwards? Why does life have to be so complicated? Can't we just keep it really simple? What is so disagreeable about that?

Some things change and some things don't, that is a fact of life. But some things don't have to, that is what I insist on.

Hole in my soul

2006-12-16T23:00:00.000+08:00

Take a walk outside your mind
Tell me how it feels to be
The one who turns the knife inside of me
Take a look and you will find theres nothing there girl
Yeah I swear, Im telling you girl yeah cause
There's a hole in my soul thats been killing me forever
It's a place where a garden never grows
There's a hole in my soul, yeah I should have known bettercause your loves like a thorn without a rose

And so it begins.

2006-12-14T07:37:00.000+08:00

It feels like the day I enlisted in the army all over again, just that this time around, there is no 2 and a half year limit.

On friendship

2006-12-12T19:49:00.000+08:00

"From the back of another drawer I take out a photograph of me and my older sister when we were little, the two of us on a beach somewhere with grins plastered across our faces. My sister's looking off to one side so half her face is in shadow and her smile is neatly cut in half. It is like one of those Greek tragedy masks in a textbook that's half one idea and half the opposite. Light and dark. Hope and despair. Laughter and sadness. Trust and loneliness."

-- "Kafka on the shore", Haruki Murakami
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A grey, rain-slashed evening. I was on the bus home, seated on the reverse seat again as chance would have it. I had just purchased the book and was idly making my way through the first few pages when I came to the above paragraph. I stopped. Why the contradistinction between "Trust" and "Loneliness"? How are the two diametric opposites? Is it a matter of course that in having friends (hence to not be lonely), you invariably have to trust them? I suppose the answer to that is a no-brainer... I mean, otherwise these are not the people you trust, only the people you use? But don't friends use each other too? Or does the simple act of adding a label of "friendship" somehow make that mutual "exploitation" ok? Things don't get done in spite of the friendship, but because of it. Sounds the same to me, just that there is voluntariness in the friendship situation.

(I put down the book and start thinking more seriously as the bus rumbles on...)

Why are we willing to do things for people anyway? Or perhaps, a better question would be, why are we willing to go to different extents for different people? Just because they have demonstrated that they are closer friends? Why closer? How closer? Because we can trust them more? But isn't trust simply a matter of small steps of faith each time that go deeper and deeper? There must always be the step taken by one side that extends this form of credit, hoping it will be honoured. I trust you with my belongings, my money. I trust you with my secrets, my confidence. I trust you with my heart (yes, guys have hearts too). Until that one time when you demonstrate that I have trusted you too much.

Or simply because different friends have demonstrated that they can go to different lengths in doing things for us too? Not to be over cynical, but doesn't that make friendship a transaction? The more you give me, the more you should get from me in return. Until of course, the one day when one side fails to meet the expectations levied on it. It doesn't mean you are not a good friend, just not as "good" as expected. The litmus test of the depth of all friendships becomes a matter of finding the tipping point where trust and expectations end. And we find that every one of our friends has "betrayed" us at some point.

Which basically means it all boils down to expectations doesn't it? And as any number of disappointed people can tell you, as long as you don't expect anything, you will never be disappointed. A truism that seeks to avoid an undesired result by ignoring the question altogether. As long as you don't eat, you will never have to taste bad food. Yep. If you die of starvation, you deserve it.

And then what happens when you decide/ realise that your relationship with your friend is not at the level you thought it was? You pile books on a shelf because you thought they could take the weight... and then it all collapses on you one day and you look at the wreckage left and in the glorious clarity of hindsight, you say "gosh, how could I have thought that it could have taken all that burden without breaking under the strain". Give yourself a break, foresight is never as perfect as hindsight. Its not all that bad. Rebuild, reinforce and then try again.

After all, the alternative is loneliness. And you don't want to be there. Trust me on this.

(I step off the bus alone and go on my way into the dark evening)
--------------------------------

This post is for my friends who are facing friendship problems.

A vision of loveliness

2006-12-11T21:15:00.000+08:00

I was walking along in a cloud of melancholic loneliness in town today after meeting a few friends when, walking near U2 in Wisma Atria, I saw this angelic vision of loveliness come down the escalator. Somehow, in that sea of people, we managed to lock gazes... And as we walked towards each other, I could feel the breath constricting in my throat and a sizzle down my spine... closer and closer... until we passed each other and went on our ways.

"Regret" is a single word that means so much.

----------------------------------------

She was coming down the escalator, long straight shiny black hair cascading down her shoulders in such a perfectly nonchalant manner that you knew it took hours to arrange just that way. It frames her visage, that accidental masterpiece of nature; a hint of blush blooms upon those delicate cheeks, perfectly set off against her lightly glossed over lips that are opened just the merest hint... enough for you to see how full and luscious they are, and wonder, "what if..."

But it is her eyes that take your soul. It should not be possible to see eyelashes at that distance, but see them you do. Or perhaps they were a mere afterthought to the eyes... you cling to them to avoid drowning in those pools of molten onyx. You become a devotee, a believer in every tale about eyes that launch a thousand ships... for never have you seen that kind of power in a single pair of eyes, the juxtaposition of pleading vulnerability with an imperative command you cannot ignore, the gentleness... and so you willingly push yourself away from the shores and drown, glad to be the sacrifice...
------------------------------------

I can't recall her face exactly now. Like so many good things, it was like a dream from a nap taken on a hot, lazy summer afternoon upon rolling fields of green, ephemeral as the wisps of cloud in the endless blue skies. It was like candy floss... a shadow of a thought, a memory of insubstantial, yet gentle sweetness.

Vicissitudes of life

2006-12-10T12:41:00.000+08:00

My laptop is dead dead dead. On the one hand, I'm glad that it has gracefully decided to take a break only after my exams are over. On the other hand, how in the world am I supposed to do all the fun stuff I want to do on my computer if its taking a "break"??? *growl*

The system diagnosis indicates that "your computer either has a hardware or a software problem". Wow, thats really helpful. As opposed to what? A user problem? hahaha... Rebooting doesn't help because I get a message that says "unmountable boot problem". The first time that turned up, I thought it said "un-SUR-mountable boot problem" and nearly fell off my chair. hahaha... well till I get the problem fixed, take care folks! :)

10 things to do daily

2006-12-07T23:51:00.001+08:00

Paper again tomorrow, so no long post tonight... just some random thoughts as I was taking the bus home just now. What are the 10 things you should do every day to make life much more pleasant for you and those around you:

1. Do at least 1 totally random act of kindness (expecting nothing in return)
2. Call a friend to catch up, even if it is just for 5 minutes (emails only allowed for friends who are overseas)
3. Tell someone you really appreciate them and mean it
4. Do 1 thing that scares you so you remember how good it is to be alive. (talk to a stranger? stand up for something you believe in?)
5. Do something in furtherance of a dream of yours (write that email to the Red Cross? train for a marathon? earn money!!)
6. Allow yourself 1 indulgence (chocolate? a purchase?)
7. Deny yourself 1 urge/bad habit (a smoke? a drink? char kway teow?)
8. Take satisfaction/pride in at least one task you did
9. Laugh out loud at least once
10. Reflect on all you've done for the day and resolve to do better on the morrow!

What is your list like?

100 things to do before you die

2006-12-06T22:18:00.000+08:00

I was talking to YY the other day. The fantastic thing about her is that she is always pretty chill about things. She just completed the Stan Chart marathon on Sunday (her first) and was quite nonchalant about it. But anyway while speaking with her I thought to myself that I really wanted to complete a marathon at least once in my life. So I started thinking up my own list of "100 things to do before I die". hahaha... so far I've only managed to come up with 50 things, and already I think I'm going to have to take at least 2 lifetimes to complete all the items. Oh dear. Come up with your own lists! Leave a comment and a link to wherever you have placed that list so I can go and read them (read: so I can go and steal your ideas!). haha...

Life

1. Save a life (have only saved animals so far, no humans yet)
2. Fall in love completely and unconditionally at least once (done)
3. Build my own treehouse/ log cabin somewhere
4. Get married and have 2-4 kids
5. Be with my wife at the birthing of all my kids
6. Be a best man at someone’s wedding (done. September 2002)
7. Pass out from being utterly drunk (done. June 2006)
8. Live for at least a year in a country with the full four seasons and enjoy the weather changing.

Sports & Health

9. Beat my genes and have a six pack set of abs
10. Stay in a hospital no more than 30 days in my entire life (currently zero)
11. Complete a full marathon (currently –2 half-marathons, 2000, 2001)
12. Hopefully complete an Ironman event (3.86km swim, 180.2km cycling, 42.2km run)
13. Learn to parachute (done. Nov 2000. Free-falling is next)
14. Learn to surf
15. Learn to scuba-dive
16. Shoot ten three-pointers in a row (have shot 7 in a row)

Travel & Adventure

17. Set foot on all the continents in the world (currently – 3 to go: Australia, S.America and Antartica)
18. Sail on all of the 7 oceans (N and S Pacific, N and S Atlantic, Indian, Southern, Artic)
19. Sail around the world in a yacht
20. Travel on/ down the 10 longest rivers in the world (Nile, Amazon, Mississippi-Missouri, Yangtse, Yenisey-Angara in Mongolia/Siberia, Huanghe, Ob-Irtysh in Central Asia, HeiLongJiang, Congo, Lena in Siberia)
21. Climb a real mountain on an expedition
22. Trek in one desert in every continent
23. Go for major festivals in different countries (Oktoberfest, Mardi Gras, Bull-running in Spain etc)
24. Visit architectural wonders of ancient civilisations: Great Wall of China, Roman Colosseum, Pyramids of Egypt, Parthenon in Athens, Angkor Wat in Cambodia (done May 2006), Mayan ruins in Mexico, Taj Mahal (ok this one not ancient)
25. Visit Niagara Falls in Canada/ US, Victoria Falls in Zimbabwe and Angel Falls in Venezuela

Education

26. Get a Masters degree (currently – law honours June 2006)
27. Study in more than one university
28. Learn to speak and write at least 4 languages of commerce (currently – Only English and Mandarin. Malay and a few dialects are at basic conversational level only. French, German and Spanish only when travelling in an area where nobody speaks English AND equipped with a phrasebook AND I desperately need a toilet.)

Other skills

29. Learn to ballroom dance to a level where I don’t embarrass myself. (done. 2003-2004)
30. Learn to navigate with a map and compass (done. 2001)
31. Learn to navigate using the stars
32. Learn to play a musical instrument properly
33. Learn to start a fire with a knife and a few matches (done. 2000)
34. Learn to survive in the wild with a knife and minimal rations (done. 2000)
35. Learn a martial art to a level of competence (Not competent enough with the ones I’ve learnt. Currently in pursuit of another form)
36. Learn to ride all animals that can be ridden: horse, donkey, mule, camel, elephant
37. Learn to fly a plane
38. Be a marksman in at least one weapon (done. 3 weapons)

Materialistic pursuits

39. At some point in my life, be worth at least US$1 million (I better be if I want to fulfil these dreams)
40. Own a convertible and drive it with the top down and music blaring
41. Fly my wife to some swanky foreign city for dinner, just because.
42. Own a house by the sea
43. Own a yacht
44. Stay in the Burj Al-Arab, the only 7 star hotel in the world

Other pursuits

45. Start a charitable organisation.
46. Write a book (currently – no ideas yet. Just a crappy blog. Haha…)
47. Appear on the media at least once for the right reasons
48. Brew my own beer
49. Send a message in a bottle and receive a reply
50. Invent something useful and patent it

What?!

2006-12-05T23:33:00.000+08:00

This is damn funny. I can just see myself as a caveman. hahaha... try it out though, interesting set of 40 questions.

Leadership by example... and more

2006-12-04T23:39:00.000+08:00

I just saw this on TV so I am blogging about it now. This is from "The Return of the King", which is of course the third instalment in the Lord of the Rings series. The clip here shows the Riders of Rohan arriving upon Pelennor Fields to break the siege of Minas Tirith. King Theoden makes his speech... and as kings and speeches go, this is a really good one.

Arise, arise riders of Theoden.
Spears shall be shaken
Shields shall be splintered
A sword day. A red day... ere the sun rises!

Ride now. Ride now! Ride!
Ride for ruin, and the world's ending!
Death! Death! Death!!

Those words express the exact feeling I have every time I get ready to enter the exam hall. hahaha... spears shaken, shields splintered and death everywhere... yep, that sums up my exams.

My battalion commanding officer in the army never gave me a speech like that. Though of course if he did, I think most of us would have gone "huh?" :) But he did try... and what we got were the usual exhortations to remember that we are the best the army has (according to him), that we are superior in training, discipline, equipment; we're gonna kick the enemy's ass etc etc. Many a time he would end off with our unit motto "For Honour and Glory" and we would roar "Commandoes!" in response. haha... it sounds pretty silly I know, but it sure got our blood going.

I don't think he was a particularly inspiring commander. I mean, he gave commands and we followed them, but if you asked me to follow him into certain death, I'm not so sure I would do it. Or at least I won't be doing it at his behest, but rather for the buddies next to me (yes, this sounds corny and Black Hawk Down-ish, but its true). And besides leading us into battle and caring for us as "The Big Boss", he was really just a distant figure who didn't mean very much.

I once read that "A real leader is not someone who merely waves a sword and leads a charge into battle. He leads quietly too. By drawing the best out of people, by helping them achieve things they never knew were in them." Couldn't help but nod to myself as I read that and think that thats exactly what I want to be like.

haha... yes, that is me off on my fantasies again. :)

Two brushes with thoughts of death

2006-12-04T15:50:00.000+08:00

I passed by Mount Vernon Crematorium on my way to the exam this morning. Right outside the place was a big banner that had the words “Casket Fairprice Parlor 1 and 2 -->” Immediately a few thoughts crossed my mind:

Sounds like NTUC Fairprice is diversifying its business. Not just groceries now, but also caskets!
Do they have coupons to cut out from the papers every Thursday for cheaper caskets?
Why do I get the feeling that caskets are on sale? Are we supposed to like buy a few while the prices are cheap to keep at home until we need them? Sort of like toilet paper.

I know its rather morbid to joke about these kinda things. But really, this is one of the inevitable things of life. Its gonna come no matter what you say or thing or do about it. If that’s the case, might as well go out laughing and joking about it? :)

On a slightly unrelated note, over lunch just now, I heard a really bad version of “Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer” at Parkway Parade playing as muzak. R commented that it sounded like funeral music… which reminded me to tell them that I don’t want one of those lousy brass bands full of old men playing at my funeral. I mean, they can even make auld lang syne sound bad! Please get me a proper jazz/ rock band, or just play some music on the hi-fi. Haha… Crashing cymbals and tooting trumpets… I can really do without. Unless you guys want me to start rolling around in my casket (bought from Fairprice of course). Cheers! :)

Reminder to all law students

2006-12-04T08:17:00.000+08:00

Must fight then can win

2006-12-03T23:40:00.000+08:00

Three down, and yet there's three to go. On man... this is impossible. On to the second week we go! Exams suck, but lets all push on!!

The kid obviously doesn't know what she's singing, but she's damn cute. Its a hokkien song which has a title that translates to "must fight then can win". My favourite part is right at the end when she hits the chorus and emphasizes the lyrics with her hand action. hahaha...

The lyrics of the chorus loosely translated are something like:
"Life is like the waves upon the sea,
Sometimes it goes up and sometimes it goes down
Good luck, bad luck...
you must still get up and continue doing your job.
30% is up to heaven and fate, 70% boils down to your own effort.
Must fight then can win!"

Bus rides

2006-12-02T22:02:00.000+08:00

I find that taking a long commute is a very good way to people-watch, and the best way of all to do it is to take the seat on the SBS buses that faces backwards (provided you are not one of those people that will get car-sick). Somehow or other, I find that when sitting on that seat my powers of observation increase dramatically. Perhaps it is just a matter of being able to see everyone from their front instead of the other way around, but I notice more than just the people in the bus. I notice the people in the cars beside the bus too and thats always interesting. hahaha...

I find that a lot of people seem to take their cars as their personal, mobile toilet. I remember there was once when I was driving, the DJ on the radio (I think it was Rod Monteiro from the Morning Show on Class 95) commented that the most popular activity amongst drivers at a traffic light stop was to dig their noses. And then he said "Those of you on the roads now at a traffic light, just take a look around you". And then you really notice all these people... "excavating" away. hahaha... and you also notice another group who are peering around, obviously tuning in to the same radio broadcast. The ladies on the other hand would more usually be found popping pimples, evicting blackheads, plucking their eyebrows or powdering their noses etc. Why doesn't it occur to them that the same glass panels that allow them to look out of the car also allows others to look in? I wonder. haha...

But I enjoy people watching while on the bus. You see all sorts of characters... the people falling asleep are in a class of their own. There are the quiet meditative ones who seem to settle down into this restful state and then not move at all. And then there are those who lean against the windows (these are the ones who are responsible for the greasy stains). There are those whose profile gradually gets lower and lower: either they start leaning towards their neighbouring passengers or they lean against the windows (above) or they lean forward and hit their heads against the front seat really embarrassingly (been there done that). The other interesting part is seeing how the neighbours shy away correspondingly... like their shoulder gets lower and lower or their body shifts and contorts so they get out of the way. Just tap the sleeping person on the shoulder and say "excuse me" lah... The last sub-category will be those who lean their heads back against the back of the seat and drool away (another personal favourite). haha...

Other standard types of people you will meet on the bus will include the auntie with too many shopping bags (some dripping); the inquisitive youngster pointing out all the sights and exclaiming loudly and excitedly about it to the parent (s)he is with; the well-dressed young executive guy/girl; the really sweet-looking chick/ cute guy; the teenager who is happily tackling his fries/ drink; the ah beng who persists on playing his handphone ringtunes on speaker mode so that the rest of the bus can "enjoy" the music too; the delinquent student/ youngster who taps his ez-link card at the exit door immediately after he got on as he is making his way towards the back of the bus; the inconsiderate bastard who sits behinds you and puts his knees up against the back of your seat so you really feel those knees digging into your back; the apathetic person who looks the other way when a pregnant woman or an old person stands in front of them... all the different types.

I wish that more of the time I have the courage to tell off the people who fall into the latter categories. I mean... I think some of my friends have the impression that if anyone would do this kind of public telling off, I'm the one who is enough of a loose cannon to do it... I suppose that's true, particularly when they are disturbing my friends. But most of the time when I'm alone, I'm more apathetic. Its difficult to strike a balance isn't it? I mean... do you march up to and scold those people in a really priggish way? Or do you just let them do what they are doing because after all these people have a right to live life the way they want it? After awhile of deliberating, I either fall asleep (see above) or they or I get off the bus. hahaha... Would you guys do it?

My parents' childhoods

2006-12-02T00:04:00.000+08:00

Listen to this song (wait for it to load fully) as you read this post (preferably at night when the world is quiet). They're complementary. :)

A few nights ago, I was saying that one reason I am blogging so much now is because I don't think I will have the time to do so in the future. I also ended off with talking about how I don't know much about how my parents spent their younger years, just snippets of information here and there that come together to make up the big picture.

My father is an architect... He's really quite artistic and I think he cut quite a dashing figure as a young man. I know he used to play the harmonica and the chinese flute, which seems kinda "huh?" to us nowadays, but I have the impression that he was able to flip out these very portable instruments at any time and start a lively tune going. I know for sure he learnt these instruments on his own. He's also really good at drawing. Just not so long ago I was looking at some pencil sketches he made of my mother back in the 70s... actually right about when they were my age now. I can imagine them going to a park on a sunny weekend... lounging around with a little picnic basket and a nice mat to sit on, and then my father would take out his drawing pad and sketch my mother's profile.

My mother was your sweet and pretty girl next door. She's not artistically inclined at all, but she was the really down-to-earth, good homely girl that any man would like to bring home. I mean, thats my impression lah. hahaha... She was also an athlete at school, winning medals for sprinting and jumping events. She's now a teacher at ITE and, despite being closer to 60 than to 50, she's been doing so well at her work that just this year alone she has won two awards (nationwide assessment of the teachers from all the ITEs). I wonder what she was like in the 60s and 70s... she was probably dressed simply, but prettily... and I'm sure she turned heads when she walked down the street.

I don't know much about my mother's childhood, only that her family was quite poor. She was the middle child of a brood of nine, so she was close with both the older siblings and the younger. In such a big family, inevitably many of the things she owned were hand-me-downs. Clothes, books, schooling accessories... if anything, poverty made her work harder. She often got prizes for doing well in school exams, and the prizes then were actually gifts of stationery. How happy she must have been to receive a shiny new pen or a nice new pencil case... something she earned purely through her own efforts. It instilled in her the principle that hard work brings about rewards, a principle she practices till today and has tried to instill in us (ok, so it wasn't altogether successful with me). I've also heard her talk about how she and her siblings would gather around the radio together sometimes to listen to story-tellers read out tales of adventure, of love, of tragedy... can you imagine that? The 60s, a group of young siblings huddling around an old radio, their ears captured by the story-telling, their minds soaring with flights of fancy.

My father's family was better off, though not rich by any means. One of the most lasting impressions I have of his childhood came about from a series of descriptions through conversations we had. He heard a song I was listening to; Nat King Cole's "Pretend" and told me that he used to hear it all the time because one of his neighbours loved it and had it on frequently. Its a lovely song, try to get hold of a copy and listen to it. I know he used to stay at a block of walk-up apartments in the Telok Blangah area, sharing a room with his elder brother (they had two elder sisters who stayed with an aunt), with his parents in the room next to theirs. The two doorways were side by side and never shut with doors because they had to share a standing fan. And he had a neighbour who enjoyed listening to Nat King Cole songs.

I love the image I get just adding all those little details together... imagine the quiet darkness, two open doorways side by side and a standing fan in between gently whirring... now pointing to the left, and then to the right... In one of the rooms we see a small boy drifting into sleep on a mattress laid on the floor... and out of the darkness, the soft strains of a vinyl being played, carrying Nat King Cole's dreamy vocals on the cool night air...

You know you are tired when...

2006-12-01T00:20:00.001+08:00

you tap your EZ-Link card impatiently against the magnetic card reader at the side gate of your condo and wonder why the damned door doesn't open.

Again, paper tomorrow, so no substantive post tonight. Just invite you guys to watch a few of my favourite videos... I saw them a long time ago, but only just found them on youtube recently. Parts 1, 2 and 3 below... advertisements again. See if you can guess what they are selling before the end of the first ad. haha... Its December already!!!

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Stop complaining

2006-11-30T10:23:00.001+08:00

Every morning while having breakfast, I read the local newspapers. I only read a few sections because I am short of time, but I will always include the "forum" section of the local newspapers where the man on the street can write in to voice his opinions on whatever he wishes to. I used to find it a good summary of the current issues people are concerned with and sometimes it contains good arguments for certain positions that do provide some food for though. However, I think that recently the words "whatever he wishes to" are abused too often by people writing in about silly little irks in their lives which they somehow think are important enough that they must yell it to the whole nation. For example, some of them write in to complain that the service at such a restaurant is not up to standard, that someone was kind enough to return his wallet etc etc. I can understand if you were writing in to say that service at the restaurant was bad for you because of racial discrimination or something along those lines, but seriously, I don't need to know if your steak was just underdone.

I'm not saying that these opinions are to be completely trivialised and ignored, but with the number of blogs/bloggers and self-professed political analysts/commentators around, you would expect there to be a greater number of substantive entries. The worst types for me are where people write in to complain about something that is totally silly... where any change that needs to be effected should be done from their side, and all they do is whine and complain and point fingers and generally every other thing you can think of, except DO something about the real problem. Inevitably, the logic contained in these entries will be as full of holes as swiss cheese, and you can't help but feel that you want to grab these people and shake them and give them a good talking to (after which they will of course write to the papers again to complain about you). With that lengthy introduction, I will now talk about this complaint I read this morning about the teaching and assessment of the Chinese language locally.

This lady (I think its a fair assumption she's a mother whose child is doing badly) wrote in the following:

"The fact is that the Chinese exam is now a language-proficiency test. Pupils are not tested on what they have learnt, but on a wide variety of unseen subjects bearing vocabulary they might not have encountered before.

For children from non-Mandarin speaking homes who are non-readers in the Chinese language, this is a double whammy...

A major part of the problem is that our children don't read in the language. And it doesn't help that there is a paucity of good Chinese books to whet their appetite to read. Only one major bookshop chain here carries children's books and they are mostly stories about animals or ancient China. The selection in the public libraries also pales in comparison with the range of English books available.... so for most children from English-speaking homes, Chinese remains a studying subject. They memorise descriptive phrases to use in their essays and lists of names of everyday objects for their oral exams...

And when their grades suffer because the exams do not assess what they have learnt, their self-esteem takes a bashing too..."

These are just excerpts, but for me the first line is the real shocker. I mean.. yeah, you are learning a language, so when you are tested, of course its a language proficiency test! How is that wrong?? Isn't that the same for English? Or any other language anyone has to learn?? What, you expected to be given a mathematical sort of problem where they ask you to answer a language question using algebra or trigonometry? Any test of any subject must be a test of your proficiency in it, either topically where possible (think science), or pitched at your level when its not possible to do so topically (languages).

Further, how is it possible that every test you have to take (for any subject, but more especially languages) can only be confined to what you have actually specifically encountered before? Vocabulary is the main substance of every language and grammar its structure. You are taught grammar so you are comprehensible to others, and then you learn more and more vocabulary to build up your proficiency in the language. This is exactly the same for every language I have ever encountered from chinese to english to chinese dialects to korean and even hieroglyphics. Yes, Chinese is more difficult to learn because it is a character-based language. You either know the character, or you don't (you might be able to make a good guess about how it is pronounced and what it means from the way it is written and the context it is found in, but you could never be 100% sure). This is in comparison with alphabet-based languages like english and hieroglyphics and korean. So it takes a bit more effort.

But the basic principles are the same. It takes hard work to learn the basic grammar and vocabulary (that is the steepest part of the learning curve), and then you learn how to learn the language and apply it to actually learning the language. That inevitably takes memory work for individual words and also for phrases. Of course it takes memory work to internalise the language so you can use it. You build your own vocabulary by applying yourself. If I had to confine myself only to words I've learnt in school, I won't have this blog.

Anyway, I digress. My problem with what this lady wrote is that it is representative of the typical "I want to complain because the situation is bad for me/my kid" attitude that so many of us have. You don't like the books found in the bookshops here? How about going online to look at chinese websites? Magazines? Newspapers? Amazon even? And of course the selection of chinese books in the libraries here is less than that of english books. English is our language of commerce for goodness sakes. If the amount/selection of chinese books is the same or more than that of english, then how are you going to answer to our friends and fellow citizens of other races with other mother tongues?

And why is it the duty of the government to provide everything for you? Why must they ensure that every situation is exactly as you would like it? The world doesn't owe you anything man. You don't speak chinese at home so your kid has no chance to practise? Err... how about starting to speak chinese at home? Has that ever occurred to you? Even if 18 generations of your ancestors have not been speaking the language (or you are not even chinese so none of your forebears have ever spoken the language), if you really think that such an environment makes a difference, why don't you make the effort to learn? Is the government then supposed to send a public servant to your home every evening to converse with your kid in chinese for a few hours?

My foreign friends tell me that we are all too pampered and expect too much from our government. We complain that they are too intrusive, and then expect that they solve our every problem and always take care of us. I think it is time we stopped complaining about how the situation is not exactly how we want it (heck, I'll admit that I'm guilty of this too) and start doing something that actually makes a difference. Start doing something that allows you to turn/maximise the situation to your advantage. Wake up Singaporeans. Stop complaining and get to it.

Preparing for the future now

2006-11-29T23:23:00.000+08:00

I'm sure some of you would notice by now that I have been blogging really regularly this month. I mean... I've blogged more times this month than there are days. Naturally, people have been asking me why I have been blogging so much. Its almost contrary to what I've been saying about how busy and crazy plc is. I mean... if I'm that busy, then where do I find the time to blog every night (and sometimes in the middle of the day?) The truth is I feel like I need to record down the things I think and feel now before its "too late". hahaha...

Its all part of the "oh shit, I'm going to start work for real in a few weeks time" thing. I know I have a penchant for overstatements, but this time around its really the "end of life as we know it". From my position now, all I can see is work, work and more work. It is not purely coincidental that I compared last night's frantic preparation for today's paper to the night before going to trial. The night before trial is usually a horribly long night making sure you have every single thing (authority, case precedent, stray fact) that is even remotely related to the case is in its proper place, either supporting your position or distinguishable. Thats almost a perfect description of last night man. Today's paper was horrendous by the way. Like I foretold two posts back, the brown stuff really hit the fan. In terms of difficulty, it felt like the Evidence exam all over again. In terms of shortness for time, it felt like the exam for Construction law. Just reading the first question alone took 10 mins. Finding the relevant notes another 10 (there was a veritable breeze in the exam hall just from people flipping notes. Never say an open book exam is easier). Those who have taken these two subjects know what I mean.

Anyway, in the midst of my preparation, A called at close to 11pm and asked me out to supper. At that point in time I was already pulling my hair out by their roots and trying to read a few things at once (to make up for lost time and to compare them relatively to see how they affect each other)... if there were such a thing as a stress-o-meter, I would be off the scale (I would imagine it to have an exponential scale too, something like the Richter scale). I mean, anyone who has ever had to take an exam would know what I mean when I say I was frantically trying to cram more into my already mushy brain while battling incredible fatigue. Law students reading this would also know how it is when you suddenly remember a certain principle, but am unable to remember whether it was found in a statute (for today's paper, we had the EA, PC, Criminal Procedure Code, Misuse of Drugs Act and random references to the Constitution and SCJA; beat that!) or in case law (whats the name of the freaking case again???)... you wonder whether you remember the principle correctly... or was the reverse true? Is it in the mugger notes? Or lecture slides? Or a textbook? Commence flipping like mad and refer to an average of three to five things before you find what you need (if at all). And all the while, time is ticking... haha...

So I was rather curt to A lah... but luckily he's a cool dude and he understood the reason why I was like that. Later on I texted him to apologise and offer to treat him to a drink the next time we meet... and that fella asked for more than one drink. *mutter mutter* hahahaha... But my point is that I'm just afraid that this is a preview of how life will be in the future. I mean... to be perfectly honest about it, I don't expect to be home at 10+pm most of the time... so supper at 11?? Not possible. Even if it is, I'd be tired out and won't want to go or will be bad company if I do. And if we do meet at that time, it would be dinner time for me. haha... So much stress waiting to pounce on me in the future. The thought of it is rather... sian-sational.

So part of the reason I'm blogging so much nowadays is because I don't expect to be doing much of it next time. But its not so much about the fact that I feel that there's a duty for me to hit a certain number of posts a month or a year or anything. I just want to record my thoughts, feelings, opinions and experiences and attempts at writing bad poems/prose... I want to record the music I dig now, the videos I laugh over. It ties in with these thoughts I had the other day about how I don't really know anything about what my parents younger years were like... I mean, I have a "rough idea" and an impression formed from random bits of information that trickled down over the years, and of course I know specific facts here and there like what schools they attended and what they liked, but what were they like as people in a day to day setting? Would I have wanted to be their friend? Hung out with them? What would we have done? haha... interesting thoughts?

What would my children/ grandchildren think of me when they read the things I write now?

Crim pro sucks

2006-11-29T00:19:00.001+08:00

Yeah I know the title to this post sounds damn stupid and childish, but then crim pro is really damn retarded. Mark my words, juniors reading this blog. Its a freaking insane subject... you'll know it when your turn comes. The best way to describe it would be this: that you are preparing for trial tomorrow, but you don't really know the facts of the case, much less the issues you have to answer and the authorities/cases you have to cite and you are not entirely sure who your client is and what they want, and you don't have a case theory. Basically, not fun at all... its criminal law, evidence and procedural stuff all rolled in one. Say it all together now... SUCKS.

Ok, no proper post today. Dying dying...
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Current favourite singer called Keren Ann. If you find this song familiar, its because it was the song in the green tea advertisement where Jeon Ji Hyun was floating around. haha... really good singer though.

New healthy way to burn fat

2006-11-27T23:47:00.000+08:00

I was watching this programme on Discovery Channel a few nights ago when I saw this bit of trivia about the healthiest way to burn fat. You don't have to change your diet, take pills, undergo surgery or even do more exercise. Just live your life the way you always have had. All you have to do is change the way you do something. Something that you have to do every day already anyway. All you have to do is to drink cold water.

I kid you not.

Apparently when you drink cold water (they didn't say how cold, so don't ask me), your body burns up energy in bringing it up to your body temperature. Studies have shown that each pint of cold water (around 500ml) makes you burn up to 12 calories. Read with the fact that the loss of each kilogram of fat requires an energy deficit of 7000 calories. So simply by drinking 6 pints of cold water a day (3 litres), you lose up to 70 calories... and over a period of 100 days, just by doing nothing, you lose 1 kg of fat. Interesting isn't it? I mean, since we have to drink water every day anyway, might as well make it a cold drink and burn fat in the process! So remember, teh peng and kopi peng. Not just teh and kopi.

Alternatively, you could eat less and exercise more and expedite the process. haha... I just found out that someone with my height and weight (around 6' and 80kg) burns only 1800 calories a day (on average, without strenous activity or too much lazing around). The average s'porean girl (1.6m and 54kg) would burn around 1300 calories. Whereas the average guy (1.7m and 64kg) would burn 1650 calories. Don't blame me if those weights or heights are unrealistic, I got my figures straight off WHO charts found here. I actually think most girls I know are either taller or lighter than those figures (look, I have to save my own skin =p)

The average calories of a hawker food meal is around 500+ calories (small serving). So three meals a day is fine, but sugary drinks and snacks are not. Having been going to btc rather frequently recently, I also went to check up on the amount of calories (roughly) each type of food has. For those who are interested, this is the HPB's weblink to common types of food in singapore and their calorie contents.

As a very rough guide to btc food... japanese food is not too good (especially the terriyaki dons) with an average of 600+ calories a serving. Nasi goreng has around 700 calories and mee goreng surprisingly only 500+ (I think because they do not absorb the oil unlike rice. Imagine all the oil you see floating around at the bottom of your plate of mee goreng... it all goes into you when its nasi goreng. The horror!). A chicken chop is around 250 calories (not counting the fries and mash potatoes etc). The best thing is apparently beef ball kway teow at around 300+ calories only (each beef ball is around 50 calories). Coffee with condensed milk is 110 calories while 3-in-1 coffee has only half that. Anyone heading to the student lounge?

So there you have it, food at btc. Now you know what to eat to reduce weight and what not.

hohoho... my blog is actually becoming informative! :)

Being nice pays off... for others

2006-11-27T19:27:00.000+08:00

So there I was facing off with the last question of the paper with about half an hour left, a hand rapidly cramping into a claw, tired eyes and an aching back. I was desperately trying to focus my attention on the paper (ever wonder why they set 3 hr long examinations when the average attention span of a person is supposed to be 45 mins?) when I felt that I just had to step out and stop by the toilet and wash my face before I was up to tackling it.

Out I went in the company of a nice, chatty invigilator (I guess they must be bored stiff watching us). On the way back, I saw PN chatting with this same invigilator who came back first... and when PN saw me, he turned, smiled and asked me whether I had cut my hair! He actually noticed and cared. Maybe thats why despite all the shortcomings of the course, I don't give negative feedback... because it just means that shit will fall on this nice guy.
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Today's paper was alright, but for the next one, I'm expecting the brown stuff to really hit the fan. Sian.

Come on over baby!

2006-11-26T23:26:00.000+08:00

No wordy posts today. PLC exams start tomorrow. :( Just a little Jeon Ji Hyun to boost the morale. hohoho...

Am I the only guy here who has this sudden urge to run to a wild poolside party... and drink green tea? hmm...

Another green tea ad. She makes you wanna fly doesn't she? I mean the tea... the tea of course...

Quotable quotes

2006-11-26T12:35:00.000+08:00

I read this interesting quote:

The pen is mightier than the sword… and considerably easier to write with. ~ Marty Feldman

And decided that I should come up with a few replies to it... *grin*

True, but lets see you try sword-fighting using the pen

Easier to write with? Only because you don't know Chinese Kung Fu!

Yes, the exams are taking their toll.

Rhythm of the rain

2006-11-25T23:25:00.000+08:00

I remember now the reason why I always study in school and not at home. It is because I am extremely efficient at home... efficient at falling and staying asleep that is. I slept the afternoon away (I would like to blame the rain, but really its just me being lazy) and woke up to a wonderful, wet November evening.

It was still drizzling, though the storm clouds were starting to break up and splashes of gentle peach from the setting sun were starting to infuse the sky. I stood at my balcony and threw the windows wide open, enjoying the rain. The first thing you notice is how the sky is a gentle grey... not oppressive, not depressing, just a little quiet and very unobtrusive. Then you smell the rain... Not the over-powering smell of earth when rain just begins to fall, but a clear scent of a land washed clean and refreshed anew... a smooth scent that fills you with life as you take it in. The wind teases your hair and carresses your skin and the delicious chill gives you shivers of delight.

As you quietly survey the scene, you gradually notice the pitter patter of rain which has been painting the background all this while... you notice the very many different sounds it makes as it lands in so many different ways. The gentle tip-tap dancing on roof tops, the drumming on car roofs, the splashing on the ground, the gurgling in the drains and the stately dripping from eaves of roofs and from trees. Even the way it sticks to the tyres of a passing car... A lovely symphony orchestrated to pulse with the rhythm of life.

People hurry along on the rain-slicked streets, side-stepping puddles and huddling together under umbrellas. You wonder why people always have to hurry when its raining. Does it make a difference? Another random thought flashes across your mind... do they realise how close they are in this very moment and how lovely the very mundane-ness of huddling together under an umbrella will be when viewed as a memory? Under an umbrella, you only care that the other person doesn't get wet and try your best to shield them from the wind. There's just the two of you, making your way together through the world with each other for support.

A raindrop splashes on my cheek and rolls onto my lips. It is bitter-sweet.

Youtube -- the best distraction

2006-11-24T01:12:00.000+08:00

The things we do in school when overwhelmed with exam preparations... I'm not crazy about star wars, but these are really funny.